Drained and despairing…

I feel so drained and despairing. So many stressors are bearing down on me–financial, emotional, relationships, work. Today I cried as I drove into the office. I’m back working for my rageaholic boss at half the pay I used to earn. I have to pay (a lot) for health benefits and can’t afford the counseling or meds I desperately need. The truck I’m driving needs about $3000 in repairs but all I can do is pray it will last just a little longer, like me…just need to last a little longer, a few more hours until this day ends and I can get home and curl up with my cat. My boyfriend/fiance (I don’t know what to call him anymore) lives across the ocean and texts and Skypes me all day long, sometimes sweetly, other times accusingly. I think it may be an emotionally abusive relationship, but right now I’m so overwhelmed I can’t even tell. I have faith in God, but my heart is bleeding and crying out, “Where are You, Lord? Where are You in this darkness?” I’ve applied for jobs for months, months…every day I try to apply for at least one or two, sometimes as many as five, but nothing…a rare interview; the occasional rejection by email; more often, silence. I’ve always worked hard, I have over 20 years of experience and a Master’s degree, but administrative support is a dime a dozen these days, and with my chronic depression I’ve never had the self-esteem to pull off anything more than being a glorified secretary. I had a nervous breakdown the week before Christmas; I feel like I’m heading back to that nightmare and I can take no more. God, please help me. Please let there be an end to this hell. Every door seems closed and I feel like I can’t breathe, but please, God, let there be an out.