My mom and dad split when i was 4 because he was addicted to crack. I didn’t see him again til i was 10. Now he has a wife and step kids.i’m not important to him anymore. He lives in a huge house and he’s a successful psychiatric. But he’s to selfish to even pay for my insurance. So i have a disease that went untreated for 2 years. I am now permanently deaf in my right ear. and he doesn’t event know. Because he doesn’t call.
The only thing that’s making me feel any better right now is the song a trophy fathers trophy son by sleeping with sirens. It explains my feelings so well right now…
Father, father, tell me where have you been?
Its been hell not having you here
I’ve been missing you so bad
And you don’t seem to care
When I go to sleep at night, you’re not there
When I go to sleep at night, do you care?
Do you even miss us?
Your bottle’s your mistress
I need to know, I need to know
Why are you walking away?
Was it something I did?
Did I make a mistake cause
I’m trying to deal with the pain
I don’t understand this, is this how it is?
I will try to understand
Father, father, tell me where are you now?
Its been hell not having you
Last thing I heard, you were fed up, you’re skipping town
With no note telling where
When I go to sleep at night, you’re not there
When I go to sleep at night, do you care?
I need to know, I need to know
Why are you walking away?
Was it something I did?
Did I make a mistake cause
I’m trying to deal with the pain
I don’t understand this, is this how it is?
Why are you running away?
I don’t understand this, is this how it is?
Why are you running away?
Tell me please, tell me please, I need to know
Is this what you call a family?
Is this what you call a family?
Is this what you call a family?
Is this what you call a family?
Spent seven years wishing that you’d drop the line
But I carry the thought along with you in my mind
But is this what you call a family?
Is this what you call a family?
Family!
Why are you walking away?
Was it something I did?
Did I make a mistake cause
I’m trying to deal with the pain
I don’t understand this, is this how it is?
Why are you running away?
I don’t understand this, is this how it is?
Why are you running away?
Tell me please, tell me please, I need to know
Is this what you call a family?
Is this what you call a family?
Is this what you call a family?
Is this what you call a family?
3 comments
Well I personally believe men are more selfish than women. And yet even some women are not willing to step into pain to take responsibility for the past. I only have something sad to say. People are blessed or cursed, however you see it, with fee will so in truth no parent owe’s you anything. Not love, not money, not even recognition. It seems wrong but it is true we are all free to make choices and the older I get I see that everyone is selfish and there are few willing to face pain and stand up to do what’s right. I think that’s why so many of us Idealize hero’s. I personally could never do this to my child but then again I am a woman and sadly women have more fortitude then men. But, I think every child when he or she is young idealize their father as hero and yes it is devastating to find out that they are not. Just wait till you have your own little boy you will understand but by then the pain will be so much worse.
Your comment makes me sad. My doctor has recently told me that there’s nothing wrong with me even tho i cant hear from one ear and he refuses to send me to an ent. so i come to a website where people comfort other people and you say something as cold as this.
@ thegirlwhocriedwolf
Don’t worry at all. I disagree with wordless within. Parents do owe you something and it’s your dads loss not yours. Your post ‘icy’s for dinner’ made me cry because I thought how sweet and just felt sorry for you. In my culture parents are meant to provide for their children but it’s at a cost. The eldest son then has to return the favour when they are OAP’s and can’t wipe their own arse. Obviously I am English so we don’t have those principles because a parents love should be unconditional. But resenting it won’t change anything, you will only become bitter and that’s not who you are. Yeah, you are deaf in one ear and it might have been avoided but life is unfair sometimes. He will regret it one day because all of his money cannot buy another you. Also he might not want to get involved because of problems with your mum. There are lots of things to think about but you will be ok.
My auntie is completely deaf. I don’t see her much these days but when I was young we were close and she would take me everywhere. She was absolutely stunning, very fair, beautiful but she had a kind and fun personality too. She got married to a nasty piece of work because of pressure from my grandparents. She had to move in with his family used her and would make her do all sorts of things, treat her like shit. They were evil and you can imagine they would say all sorts of horrible things about her but she was deaf and had no idea what they were saying but sometimes she could lip read. Tgey got divorced in the end. Because of all the psychological and physical abuse she lost her looks and put on a lot of weight. She looks nothing like before and she was the best.
I know I’ve gone off on a tangent but what I was trying to show is that sometimes you can be thankful that things are not worse. Yeah, life isn’t perfect but it doesn’t have to be for you to be happy.