I just wanted to add a small post, but for me it seems almost a definition of a state of mind I find myself in.
Life has passed me by. It feels so literal right now, sat at home, alone and having not spoken to a single human being for about 9 days. I have no hopes, no desires, no wishes, no plans for now, no plans for the future, nothing. I do not dream, no goals and no desire to change. It feels as though I am stuck in a void. Life has left me, why should I stay?
I have had my suicide attempts and I know that I have a final one left in me, but just waiting right now, but I am not sure for what. As far as I am concerned I could have not existed the last few weeks and I know that nobody else has even begun to get in touch with me, so I am also dead to the rest of the World. The only thing that is missing is for me to be actually dead, so maybe it is time to get that over and done with now.
4 comments
I’ve read a few of your posts, and I like them. Don’t go. Me, I’m a mad man gone crazy because of insane abusers who rule the gernment corporations and law. They are all turds to be burned in the fire. I would like to warm myself by that fire as I party wih my friends on the beach free from tyranny and oppression.
*Puppies (like maggie! she loves everyone! especially YOU!)
*Fresh-baked cookies and brownies
*Warm spring days
*Fresh Flowers
*The 7th Harry Potter Book
*You Mom and Dad and Sisters and Brothers
*Your friends
*Raising your kids so they don’t have to go through the same pain you did
*Snow Angels and Snowmen and Snow Days
*College and Knowledge
*Bright blue skies
*Fresh rain
*Hugs and Kisses and Love
*The really funny and cute and amusing smileys that keep showing up
*ben and jerry’s phish food ice cream
*full moons
*water skiing
*a favorite song
*dreams
*deciding on a name for your nameless fish
*scrapbooking
*sparkles
*crazy hair days
*evening walks in the park
*your favorite food
*new experiences
*cookie dough
*sunsets and sunrises
*new kitties!
*deep conversations with your best friends
*sarcasm… yay!
*new hair cuts
*new school clothes
*half-baked ice cream bar from ben and jerrys
*cute guys
*your first kiss
*any kiss thereafter
*clear water on a white sand beach
*Warm covers and a good book
*Frozen lemonade in 100+ degree weather
*Friends
*Prom
*Dressing up
*Dressing down
*Sleeping all day
*Your favorite stuffed-animal from when you were little
*Your first house and your first new car
*Inside jokes
*All the silly little sentimental things that make you smile
*Smiles
*Because I care
*scented candles
*the ocean and watching the waves crash against the shore
*the miracle of babies
*looking at newly developed pictures
*taking pictures of your shadow
*pinking shears (the scissors that make the kewl designs)
*how peoples ears turn red when there embarrassed
*blushing
*dolls
*music
*blankets right out of the drying machine on a cold winter day
*bathrobes and slippers
*pillow fights with your girlie friends
*dancing in the rain
*cuddles
*holding your sisters tightly
*thunderstorms
*holding a new born baby
*seeing someone happy and realizing it’s you who made them happy
*laughter
*freshly cut grass
*sleeping under the stars
*bakeries
*Walking by the moonlight
*Dreaming
*Taking a deep breath
*Marrying the one you love
*Ever changing clouds and their shapes
*The pot of gold tha tlies at the end of each rainbow
*Hope and prayer
*Songs of life
*Making a difference
*Because living proves you can
*Reaching somewhere so you can help everyone else
*Believing in something
*Because its easier
*Seeing shooting stars
*Fireworks
*To see your dreams come true
*Watching everyone around you grow up (notice the changes)
*To see if that local high school band made it big
*To help others
*Going on a roadtrip with friends
“Hold On” by Good Charlotte
Shoes
the night sky
Camping
Breathing air
Holding hands
Because 80% of suicide attempt victims feel a sudden urge to live after attempting.
Crying for joy.
Screaming at the top of your lungs
Feeling temperature
Being able to feel angry, upset, and happy.
Being able to cry, yell, and smile.
I want to talk to you.
Complete this list, then look at your life and see if it is still worth living..
Talk to me if you need someone to talk to
my email is runsintherain@gmail.com
I’ve been living the same way lately. Well, not living, just existing. A bag of flesh with a heart beat. No plans, nobody calls me, nobody misses me, right now I’m actually in an entirely different state visiting a family member and nobody even knows I’m gone and nobody cares. Luckily for me I’m kinda getting used to it I guess. The first couple months I was really lonely. Then I managed to hang out with people for a few weeks, and I guess I must have realized I wasn’t missing much in the first place, because now I’m back to being alone but it doesn’t bother me as much this time around.
I don’t know what I’m waiting for either. I think my best days are behind me, and it’s pathetic that they even qualify as “best” days because they weren’t very good either.
The best days of a Lone Wolf are being alone. You can still be a part by attacking the pack and destroying them. Many lone wolves survive and find others to found a new society where the lone wolf is greeted with cheers!