Lost

I can sort of relate to what you are going through… not about the hospitalization part, but my mother constantly tells me how I am way behind all the other similarly aged persons in the family. I never hear the end of how it’s taken me 10 years to get a 4 year degree, that I’m giving my father a stroke because of all the stress of worrying about me, how I need to get married… As if I don’t feel bad/ embarrassed enough about school, I don’t need her to rub it in. In fact for years, I have cut off all contact with my high school friends (who i miss dearly) because of my shame.

I have a bf who loves me and tells me that he would be unable to live without me (he is being figurative). The secret is not to tell ppl how you feel. Sometimes I tell him that I hate my life, but I never tell him I am going to kill myself because I don’t want him to try and prevent it. I’m actually getting an apartment with him for the duel purpose of having a place to kill myself/ getting away from my family.

I think your bf sounds like a jerk to see you in this desperate state and project the cause of a stomach ache onto you. This is the kind of stuff my mother pulls all the time. I really can’t stand her melodrama anymore. Everything is always about her. It is hard enough dealing with my own problems without having to deal with her reactions to them. I am sure your bf is sincerely concerned, he will get over it. The story of a lover taking their own life will make him more intriguing to other ppl. It builds character

My mother lives for attention, and sometimes I think she would love for one of her kids to commit suicide just so she would get pity from ppl and have something to talk about. I like the idea of being remembered as magnanimous, but sometimes I just want to leave a big” F-you mom, this is partially your fault” section in my suicide note.

That being said though, You are pretty young. I am 10 years older. If I were you, I would go off to college and see if things improve there before you resort to suicide. I don’t know what medications you have tried, but I think you should see if any of them work before throwing in the towel. I don’t know about your current insurance, but you will be fully covered if you are a full time college student. Also maybe consider getting a pet… It gives you a reason to get up in the morning. I would not be here today if it wasn’t for my cat.