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Countless Times

To: Big Sister

by Blake SinBad
written by Blake SinBad

Dear Jackie,

You know I love you. I love you with all my heart. I’m so proud of you, and congratulations on having your baby last night. She is beautiful. I remember the fights we used to have, and coming home being scared out of my mind by you. I remember the countless times that you were thrown out of the house. Thank you for being my role model. Thank you for watching all of those gory, bloody, violent, rated R movies with my when I was six. Thank you for letting your friend come into my room to molest me wen I was little. I […]

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life is so damn pointless

by Lestatbarrenheart
written by Lestatbarrenheart

It is sad, when you think for just a little why, that she will be different. Everyone is all the same,though.
I have been hurt, and betrayed, and let down countless times.
I hate fucking life. I had a gun in my mouth last week, but I kept thinking, what if i go to hell, or the place after is worse. But i am in hell. This world is full of nothing good, just evil and ugly things. Would be good if we all died. Fuck happiness, fuck love. It means nothing to anyone. Love, it is a fucking word people use on a whim. […]

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love vs death (please read)

by fakingit
written by fakingit

she says will you love me forever
of course he says yes
but for the countless times
she seen this like all the rest
end in failure
cause people lie
for that she has yet to find
what should she do
she says
good but do you promise
no matter what he says
she will trust him
but he says yes
they end in a kiss
they are pulled together
and soon let go
apart
she locks her front door
and proceeds to her room
where her true love
awaits her
hello she says
nothing is said
because this is not a human
its a […]

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You

by no_one_cares
written by no_one_cares

You taught me love. You let me believe that I was special. You told me how I was the one. You let me fall for you. You knew you weren’t going to catch me. You showed me how it felt to be alive again.  you lied to me countless times but I still came back for you. I watched you fall for my best friend. I haven’t stopped loving you. You’re my everything. I wish you would feel the same way

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4 am…..

by matb
written by matb

It’s 4 am can’t sleep , haunted by my past unable to let it go . Keep thinking that there is only one way to make everything go away . Deep down inside I tell myself to just survive the night , it will get better tomorrow . But the thoughts keep flooding my mind , the old friends that I pushed out my life , the family members that I never talk to . Telling myself that if I let no one love me , or get close to me then it wouldn’t be like I’m hurting anyone but myself .
But […]

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Should, Could, Would

by Domino Jays
written by Domino Jays

“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”

“.. Yes. I won’t hide it.”

“Would you do it again?”

“Hell no, Domino!”

“Should you ever do it again?”

“Never again.”

“Could you tell me about it if it happens? I promise I won’t get mad. I just would like to know.”

“.. Yes, my dear.”

And with that, he signs off for the night and once again I’m left alone. Tomorrow will be the last day. Last day of suffering through my own demise from a ‘withdrawal’ of my precious need. I’ve been going on and on about how much I love him, how much I need him, how much I wish to have him […]

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I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live

by iheartequality1996
written by iheartequality1996

So many countless times I have thought about killing myself.I wrote suicide letters after everytime I think about it. I have attempted it a couple of times but then I chicken out. I’m scared of death. I don’t know what Is going to happen to me. I wish I could be dead for a couple of seconds then come Back to see what death is and if I’m able to see things again. Will I see eternal darkness, will I be stuck in a happy dream? Or will I be reincarnated as someone or something else?

I used to think that being scared of death right […]

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Sigh

by Engie
written by Engie

Last day at work for the year today.

 

I don’t want to seem like I’m obsessed with myself, but I probably am. I feel so alone and unloved. No matter where I am or who I’m with I’m always alone.

I feel unsafe. I’m listening to Breathe Me by Sia and it makes me want to cry. But I can’t cry.

I keep playing death over and over in my mind on an endless loop like a song I can’t get out of my head, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Not yet. The councillor asked me the other day if I actually want to die, […]

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Some things about this fallenangel

by fallenangel48
written by fallenangel48

According to my great grandmother i am an Old Soul. My spirit has been here a long time. I have a very strong connection to the spirit world. I see things that no one would ever want to see. Knock it if you want, everyone else thinks i am crazyu anyways. I can see spirits, and not only people i know. I have seen ghostly deaths countless times, i have seen the wraths tear people in half. No one ele can see them, no one i know. I can’t sleep, i haven’t slept for three days now. This will continue until i pass out and […]

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i could change the world by ending my life.

by hopeless.
written by hopeless.

Nobody in my town or my age seem to understand the idea that their actions effect other people as well. It has been a year and a half since I attempted suicide, yet nothing has gotten better. My final year in high school was complete hell. I was tormented by a group of girls who used to be my best friends. Day after day they told me how no one likes me or wants me around. They repeatedly shouted names down the hallway at me or spread rumors about me being pregnant. This summer they have peanut-buttered/egged/balognied my car twice. Then, try countless times to […]

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Trubadour

by gbfhjoshers
written by gbfhjoshers

My mom had a bikers wedding. Real punk rock, real horrorshow.

That was dad #2, but I didn’t know that. Not at the time.

He was good at getting to the bottle, and the bottle getting to him. Then she remarried. A real stiff guy, the kind who could make diamonds.

We moved away from the continental US. That was the first time I became the black guy; attacked and ridiculed for nothing more than the color of my skin.

I’m a white kid.

Guam attacked me with a rage that I’ve never really lost. My first taste of real life, the first real look beyond the facade of peace, […]

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Scared of dying, but even more scared of living.

by Beatnik
written by Beatnik

I have been through a lot – bullying, attempted murder, attempted rape, none-curable illness etc.. Each time I have escaped with my life, I have found inner strength and saved myself from suicide countless times. Each time I think to myself ‘things will get better’.. But I have yet to see any kind of manifestation of luck.

I am mentally ill. I have suffered with hallucinations, delusions and thought disorder for over a decade. The last year has been particularly hard following a fellow human being physically harming me.
I crumbled and asked for help for the first time ever in January, though I found the process humiliating I was […]

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My Prison

by QuixoticNomad
written by QuixoticNomad

One could say that my existence could be described thusly: my legs, my feet, directed by myself to carry me through a jungle containing thick brush and trees, thorns and poisonously vicious creatures; the thick vegetation and dangerous animals representing difficulties in life: a child of low socioeconomy, biologically harmful setbacks in life, unadulterated stress. Carried on my back — a part of myself — is an organic syndrome begetting bipolar disorder.

There I was trekking through the arduous journey of the first part of my life, running to break free of the grasping branches and hungry animals, trying to make it into the clearing which […]

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Lost

by rankod
written by rankod

I guess I’m not quite sure what to do at this point, so I need ur input. I’m 18 years old and ever since 5th grade I’ve wanted to die…or at least I didn’t care to live. In the past few years I’ve been but into a hospital four times due to breakdowns, see I’m stuck in this cycle between life and death and I don’t think itll ever end till th day I die. I’m terrified of existing, and I have several mental Heath problems that have caused me to lose all my friends…I push them away without realizing it, but it’s only […]

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what else

by 4everalone
written by 4everalone

I am a pedophile. There, it’s out in the open for the first time ever. I have sexual feelings towards boys, and it is breaking me down. It started in my childhood, when I experimented with a friend who was the same age, and now I’m stuck with it. I’m in my twenties now, and although I have never abused a child, I do have fantasies and I have visited illegal websites countless times. I don’t feel anything for women, and I’ve never had a girlfriend.

On top of this, I’ve recently been put aside by people whom I considered to be my best friends. They […]

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I am afraid

by silent survivor
written by silent survivor

My mom just gave birth to a baby girl which means i now have 4 sisters. I’m afraid that she’ll end up to hate the world,to feel unwanted and to feel like she needs to be perfect like the other 3. I want this baby to be positive about everything,to believe,to hope,to think that everything isn’t based on appearance and that everyone should be excepted. I want her to be open minded and open hearted like i am. Me as the first born watched as my mother attempted to raise us all in hate but i was the only one able to wake up and […]

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My last words

by kross
written by kross

Tonight I die. This is my 3rd attempt, and I think I finally got my suicide figured out. I am not mentally ill or depressed, right now I am actually quite calm. My story is simple, I had a good life but threw it away because I am a compulsive gambler. My friends and family bailed me out countless times and yet I don’t learn from my mistakes and dig myself back into the same hole again and again. I am a sinner and don’t deserve better. I just wish that before I go… I can give back all the money that I owe to […]

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Happy Death Day…NOT (Another Failed Suicide Story)

by subtle_bloodstains
written by subtle_bloodstains

I had it all ready. Everything was in place. Time. Method. I was scared, but I knew that I just had to overcome that fear. This was going to be like ripping off a bandaid: it was going to hurt for a very short time, but in a little while, its existence in the first place would be forgotten.

I told the only two people in the world who would care or it would impact in the slightest. The one had known for months (lets call her Olympia). The other I had only known for a few weeks, but we are very, very close because we […]

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Desolation.

by fettucinealfredo
written by fettucinealfredo

To sum things up, I don’t like my life.

By no stretch of the imagination is my life the worst. The hardest, the most miserable. But I still hate living.
My childhood was verbally abusive. I live with the constant guilt of driving a loved one to their death because of my neglect. I was molested in the 7th grade. My friends don’t ever invite me to their social gatherings, though I guess I wouldn’t want to hang around with me either.

My family and myself are in deep shit financially.
In school, I have advanced classes. Did well on the SATs, state tests, the like. But […]

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What is bad really?

by jabeck
written by jabeck

I don’t like to say that things in my life are bad. Because bad is such an arbitrary word. Bad to one person can hold an entirley different meaning to another person… So what is bad really? Then, there’s so many components to the things that I DO truley believe are bad… which leads me to question if it’s really bad at all?

That being said, I don’t know if things are bad. The things I am about to expond upon are the events that I am trying to base my opinion off of… the events that foster my emotions. I’m not saying that I’ve had it bad or good. I’m […]

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