I’ve got 5 inch scars on the inside of my forearms now…I despise them. They are a constant reminder of my inner weakness. They’ll never go away and they’ll never fade. They’re just two more to add to my never ending collection of failures.
I’m not sure if I’m worthy of love. death would be the perfect solution for all this shit…..maybe that’s why God won’t let me die….Death would bring peace…this life is absolute hell. Suffering and alone….What a way to carry out my miserable existence… I don’t deserve to live… I don’t deserve to be loved…
fuck, where did I put that blade….
Happy mother’s day to all the moms out there….for me personally my mother is the greatest example of pure and selfless love and she’s the one thing I really can’t afford to lose…
11 comments
I feel your pain because I am in a similar situation. Stay alive for your mum. I do it for my father. I sometimes shout/cry/beg God for what I need, and he gives me. Just ask trust me. Yesterday I was crazy and said out loud “God you don’t exist” and in 5 minutes or so things happened that made me swallow my words. I am not making this up. Try an honest self talk without the drama. Find a reason to live for.
I do cry out to God…constantly it seems, but every time I manage to pull myself together and get somewhat on track, it’s as though I’m then on my own….and just can’t do this on my own anymore….I’m getting nowhere and losing ground fast
I had my mom too and others. But she was most important. When she left, that’s when I lost my head, started cutting, became really suicidal… But recently one person has started to take her place. My health teacher has been the one to keep me together. She has saved me from attempting multiple times and she knows it. I talk to her about everything. Even problems I can’t tell my best friends. She is all I still try for. The only reason I am still here. Try to hold on for your mom if nothing else. She loves you
my mother’s all i’ve got left…but soon she to will be gone. It doesnt fucking matter anymore. nothing matters anymore.
Why will she be gone soon? You don’t have to answer if u don’t want to. I’ve lost too and I almost ended everything when my mom left. But someone came along and saw me in pieces on the floor flooded in tears and she did everything she could to put me together. It wasn’t until later that I realized how much she really cared. I realized that she has risked her job, her career, and som other important things. For me. Please talk to someone. I understand you feel it’s all gone. I did too but someone cared enough to risk all that to help me. And someone can help you
She losing her memory…she’s fucking 35….it wont be long until there’s only a shell of the woman I now call mom. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
I had someone who cared about me, alot like that. They saved my life on more than one occasion, and helped me find reasons to fight for my life. They gave me a hand when I need it and gave me a reason to keep my head above the water. But, my depression got in the way. I fucked up one of the only good things in my life. And now there gone. And I’m once again alone. go figure
What happened to that person? My health teacher said I won’t lose her but I’ve lost everyone. My whole life has been people taken away from me, rejecting me, or losing them in some way within a few months and I can’t help but be terrified of losing her. If I lose her I probably will kill myself but for now I’m holding onto her as tightly as I can
They no longer “associate themselves” with me. it was around the time when my mom got really sick… I just snapped and they happened to be the very unlucky person who was around…the rest is history….
I know this was completely circumstantial and that I should only beat myself up so much for it, but I hate hurting the people who actually give a damn about me. you know what I mean? But its been 5 months and I still feel like: well if this person can’t put up with me in the worst of times, then maybe nobody will. And if I can manage to completely fuck up a relationship like that, then maybe I deserve to be alone…
No one deserves to be alone. And yes I understand. If I even mildly upset anyone it’s enough to bawl my eyes out and feel like I deserve hell. I can’t stand to hurt anyone. So I started coming here. I want to help people hoping it may make up for the hell I seem to convince myself I desrve for taking a smile from someone for even a moment
You’re right; nobody really deserves to be alone, but depression can be twisted one twisted SOB and sure the hell make it feel that way.
Well if she’s going through that I know it hurts but she will need you