I just keep on going, but I’m so very tired of it. My family loves me, my girlfriend loves me, none of them want me to give up and go. But it’s all I can do to just brush my teeth or eat something.
I lost my job a month ago. It was my first real job out of college. It was full-time, paid very well. I was so happy. Elated. I wanted to do my best, and my boss wanted us to be best friends (she said as much). I should have known better. Your boss is not your friend. I confided in her, relied upon our “relationship” too heavily. By the time I realized what was going on, it was too late.
Mind you, I always showed up on time. I never slacked off on the job. I did my best and chatted with her. It’s just that, I had never done this kind of work before, so I needed training. She trained me a little bit, but not enough. I just assumed that I could pick up the rest as I went, and if I stumbled, “it was cool,” since my boss wanted to be best friends.
During my last week, I had to take calls from people who were going to be interviewing for my job. They were all young ladies, just like me, college grads trying to get their foot in the door. I felt bad for them, hopeful for them, and jealous of them at the same time. What did these ladies have that I did not? Why was I such a failure, who couldn’t even hold a simple job?
There are two hundred dollars left in my bank account. I am living with my brother, who loves me, rent-free. My mom is going to put money in my account tomorrow. While I am so, so grateful to have these people and these resources, I hate being a burden to them. It makes me want to die. I feel like a leech.
I look for jobs every day, but it took me nine months to get my last job. How much longer until the second one? I will keep going, since that is the best way to eventually repay the kindness showed to me. Yet, I can’t help but think how much cheaper it would be for everyone if I just died.
5 comments
hi why you dont apply for a job in other country like saudi arabia or dubai are well paid go to web site bayt.com good luckd
Hi, thanks for the idea. I entertained the thought once. However, I think moving out of the US would be a bad idea for me. My network is here, and they keep me grounded. I can’t imagine going somewhere where I don’t speak the language and do not know anybody– And maybe not even have a job– I would be totally cut off.
Hi, U have somany loved ones around you. You must be so lucky, its just the matter of a job. U would definitely get it one or the other day. So hold ur breathe and wait for the best day, which will come to u ASAP
You’ll be fine. You can bounce back easily. Feeling like a leach is stupid. If your family truely loves you then it definitely does not matter. Life is more important. You sound like you have a lot of potential. Don’t ever let that go to waste because someday maybe your someone in your family will need your help. You’d be glad to help. Just think that’s how they feel.
Speaking on financial grounds, even if you have life insurance (although, I think most policies will not cover suicide at least not if it was intentional), the cost of your death would be greater than the effort with which your family are supporting you through this point in your life.
Think about it, most parents never recover from the death of a child. It’s even worse with a suicide. They will spend the rest of their lives wondering how they could have saved you.
Suicide isn’t just the loss of a family member, it tears a family apart.
Don’t think that you’ll go pop, and every one is just going to move on with lives thinking “oh well, one less mouth to feed”. Remember, they’re taking care of you because they want to keep you safe. You are precious.
Jobs come and go. You will find another one if you keep trying.
I hope that didn’t sound too condescending. I wish you all the best of luck with your future