This is my story…

I’m 29, almost 30.

You could say, I’ve lived half my life.

I spent most of it depressed and thinking of ways to end my life…but little did I know, that I was destined for something great and amazing.

I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I am telling you that there IS hope, and better days are around the bend.

I never knew my real father, my mother is an alcoholic, and I pratically raise five of my siblings from the time I was eight years old. I was molested twice, neither person was charged or convicted, so you could say my mother failed to protect me by failing to jail them.

I walked the path of depression many, many times. Attempted to end my life more than ten times.

I thought that I deserved to die, because so many bad things had happened to me, that I was being punished for being the bastard child of a woman whose morals family weren’t exactly blue-collar, if you will.

Still, I’m here.

My last attempt was when I was sixteen years old…I got very close, so very close to succeeding.

My step-father caught me in the act, and a man who I had saw as harsh and unforgiving, broke down into tears. He cried, for me. HE CRIED FOR ME. He sat me down and we talked for five hours about why I wanted to die. For three of those five hours, he listened…FINALLY I had someone who was willing to listen to MY feelings.

After I was finished with what I had to say, words that I had kept inside for a LONG time, he told me this: “You will not accomplish anything by killing yourself. We are all stuck in this crappy life, and you just gotta roll with the punches. I know that sounds a little crude, but it’s life. You can’t live it when you are dead. You are sixteen years old, you are very bright, and you have the potential to do ANYTHING…anything…don’t waste it on suicide. I may not be the nicest guy, and you may think I’m an a**hole, but I really do care about you and the rest of your siblings.”

After that, well…I took his advice.

I became a mother three years later…and I am so glad that my stepfather had intervened that summer day…because I would have never watched my daughter take her first steps, hear her say her first words, watch her graduate kindergarten, burst with pride when the school phoned me to inform me that they were advancing her to the gifted program…

I still get sad sometimes…I still think about “it”…

But now that I have something worth living for, “it” doesn’t seem so appealing anymore.

You all have the potential to do something amazing with your life, something GREAT.

And even if you don’t feel like it, even if you don’t think so,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND YOU ARE LOVED, EVEN BY THE PEOPLE YOU WOULD HARDLY SUSPECT.

One day at a time 🙂

I hope I save a life…because it is a very beautiful thing <3