I don’t have a sob story. I have never been abused. My parents are alive and healthy as are my siblings.
I’m almost sure I have depression, I have every single one of the signs, but I don’t want to tell my mom.
I’m not pretty, I have an oddly shaped face and horrible eyebrows that no matter how much I pay to have them shaped, their just never pretty. My eyes are nothing special, same as my nose, and my lips are incredibly thin. My hair is a ugly blond-ish brown that just looks greasy all the time. I’m not smart, I’m not athletic, I’m not super skinny (though I’m not exactly fat), I’m not likeable, popular, I’m horribly shy, I’m not musically or artistically talented, in fact I can’t even draw good stick figures. I have acne covering not only my face but my back and chest and no matter how much expensive cleansing products I use, it just won’t go away. I feel like everyone else in the world has at least one good thing about them, if their ugly then their at least smart or athletic, if their dumb then their beautiful or athletic.
My parents for some reason always yell at me to do things but they never ever ask my other siblings even though I’m by far the busiest of us.
People for some reason think that they can walk all over me, its always happened, especially with friends, and even when I try to fight back, they just laugh, like its a joke that i’m even trying.
The little friends I have tear me down even more than I do, pointing out flaws. And they always expect me to be super happy, if I am having a bad day and I really don’t want to talk to anyone or something, they think im a ***** and get mad at me, and yet they can get all moody and treat me like crap whenever they want.
I feel like I have nothing to do in life, guys don’t even know I exist, let alone talk to me or ask me out. I know I’ll never get married, and I would never adopt kids without having a loving supporting father for them, I know how it feels like to not have one. And all I really want from life is that, to get married and have kids, I know I’ll never be happy if I don’t. So why should I live?
Nothing makes me happy, at least not for awhile, I mean I laugh, I smile, but then what? Then its back to just being emotionless. I’m just disappointed by everything. Like this world just is boring for me, like theres no place for me here…
There isn’t even anyone or thing holding me here, I’m just scared, scared of what I’ll miss out on, of the pain. I’ve never dealt well with pain.
I just wanna die….but I’m too chicken to try.
2 comments
Im 24 years old, still a virgin and never had a girlfriend. I used to feel exactly the same way about myself, that i was completely useless.
My mum used to tell that i was all the time and it really hurt me inside i was crying rivers with pain.
I could never see anything good about myself, everyone else i knew had music, or science or something but i always had nothing and friends not even worth mentioning!
Even now i get alot of shit from so many people but i just laugh at them or say something back, i just stopped giving a shit about what other peoples opinions are.
Remember, whatever anyone tells you, it is still only that persons opinion.
And also remember that life in every shape or form is precious, you are precious.
More precious than gold.
Never forget that you have your part to play in the game of life, and its just as important as anyone elses.
Every star has its own light to shine.
What you look like what size you or what you can do or can’t do dose not make you who you are, What makes you who you are is what is inside. There are clever sporty beautiful people who quite frankly are horriable people inside.
I actually know for a fact from experince most guys want a women who make them feel special. Right now it may seems guys are only looking at boobs and butts but as life goes on and you get older you will see someone is looking for a really nice girl who they can fall in love with.
First of all though you need to love yourself and then others will love you. Be proud for being a awesome person without all those things cause awesome people are had to find 🙂