9:20A.M:
I have summer school. Haven’t been able to get into a habit of sleeping earlier so I’ve been tired. Drank a monster today, but still tired but also wide-awake. I’m the fastest in my class of World History. I finish my work earliest due to my full year of review in my sophomore year that I failed. I sit alone at our 20 minute breaks. 

They (campus supervisors) try to corner us onto the quad and I get anxious. There’s a lot of fucking kids from 4 highschools being crammed together. 

I’m attempting to keep my mind blank from those thoughts about it. My memories are hard to recognize. I thought a few of my memories were dreams and vice-versa. I’m jittery from the monster, but awake. 

My mouth hurts pretty bad from elastic bands, tightening of my braces, and cleaning and polishing my teeth yesterday. I can’t even close my mouth correctly right now. I failed 4/6 of my classes last semester… -_-

I had a dream about Nycolle. Too bad I can’t tell if I was thinking of her or dreaming. Of course it’s not a memory. My most profound memory with her was 5ty grade when we were on a project to make ice cream. We used a plastic bag filled with ingredients for vanilla ice cream and another bag over it filled with rock salt. Helped cool it down. I loved that project. Good thing it wasn’t a dream. I forgot that wonderful memory for a year or so (or it felt like a year). 

Jasmine finally texted back yesterday. It has been a week or 2 or 3 that she hasn’t talked to me after the break-up. Still care for her though, a lot. Hope I can kiss her for the first and last time before the end of the month when she goes back to Chicago. 

2 minutes till the end of break. Been interested in XNXX a lot more, mostly blackmail and rape series. Don’t take that with too much thought. I’ve been thinking more aggressively, but I’m still a fucking *****. (9:37 A.M.)

11:25 A.M.
Sitting here alone again. I was nervous about getting up and getting a tissue because of 6 seconds worth of attention while watching a movie even though half the people were asleep. I think I need to work on confidence quite a bit. Yet I’m able to answer questions. 

Probably has to do with the tissue box being up front and my getting up to get it while I’m most vulnerable or something. 

I bought a cup of noodles and a pepsi. Hopefully that’s enough nutrition for me not to black out at all. At least my mind isn’t occupied on suicide as much anymore. I’m worried about my future.

I’ve been watching youtube videos on video games like MW3, battlefield 3 and Arma 2 and a guy who was in the Marines talks about his experiences while he plays tye games and it has some interesting stuff. Pre-occupied myself with that for now. 

Every time i write a story, I never seem to complete it and my mind wanders some more and I never put enough detail in it. I might try a Fallout 3/New Vegas style story and seems fun. 

1:34P.M.
Suddenly I got serious and walked quickly. There was a lot of people going home. It probably panicked me. I was wondering what hypersensitivity was as I was thinking too hard and stuff. Also I got a headache in the back right corner of my head. Not sure if it was the monster causing it but it suddenly happened and went away. 

Screw what time it is. It’s 925 pm. I failed 4/6 of my classes last semester. I’m screwed since I am doing 2 semesters of world history and I still need 10 and 11th grades of english. I want to join the Army/Marines. Anything to be in those. Get into the infantry division. I’m not too competent on all the battalions and whatnot. 

I miss Jasmine. Wish 1 past date with her before she leaves at the end of the month. I want to kiss her wonderful lips once. 

I might take four years of something to fall back on if I finish my “duty”. I’ve been listening to devildoggamer on YouTube since he does arma 2 gameplay. He said you need something to fall back on or else your fucked. He accidentally or mistakenly turned down a weapon instructor for the police that he reflects on. He wished he took engineering or something to fall back on. I think back too Kieran/Biscuit_of_death. The gay dude that hated the idea of debt slavery. If you remember him then I consider you an Original suicideproject poster. I consider myself one as well since there’s so many new people on there. 

I don’t like the idea of debt slavery. I prefer doing what I love or interested in. Which currently has to do with the idea of shooting guns. Being a merc or something. Maybe acquire the skills to be able to join a PMC. 

As for a significant other? That’s going to be a very bad road that leads to a dead end or disaster. Takes two careless people to cause a crash.