I’m so sick of this shit

My name’s Mikaela Guerry. Don’t care who all knows, but I just need some support. I’ve been in love three times now and I’m slowly breaking down into a complete mess. My family is broken, and my friends backstab me. My ex girlfriend is the only thing depressing me. Her name, Emilyn. I met her sometime in July last year and I had a crush on her from the moment I met her. We talked all the time, and went on crazy adventures. Still do. Me and her became best friends after about 5 months. My feelings grew stronger and stronger for her. Then i heard she liked me back from one of her friends. I was so happy and felt wonderful! I waited a month and asked her out over facebook cause at the time I never saw her much. She said yes! That made me feel even more amazing. We started talking and hanging out even more then eventually I just fell in love with her. I know everything about her, and she knows everything about me. Three weeks past, and then her friend got jealous. Broke us up.. Said I cheated on her, which isn’t true. Since I have a shitty past of being a “whore” she never believed a word I said. It tore me to pieces when I saw her cry and I knew it was my fault. I never cheated, but yet it still hurt me. We didn’t talk for three months. One day I got bored and messaged her. We agreed to be friends and now-a-days we still talk and hang out. It bothers me when she brings up the past and flirts with me. She denys still liking me, but yet, she still leads me on. I’ve tried everything to get over her, but she’s the one. Lately I found out that she strongly dislikes me. She talks so much shit about me to her other friend and how she hates it when “I try to kiss her” which is also bullshit. It doesn’t seem like much, but to me it kills me to hear that. When I heard that I grabbed a knife and almost slit my wrists…Again. I have in the past, but I made a promise. Now I’m just crying my eyes out. Someone, anyone have advice?