i dont want anyone to kill themselves. not me nether
like i said in a previous post “i dont belong”
wondering what life would be on the other side. lay down all my burdens. i picked up a knife and i cut my wrist so deeply i ended up in the hospital for 3 days. im now not even aloud to handle a butterknife without supervision so to speak. im not suicidal for god’s sake. im tired. if people would let me. i would leave. if people knew how i feel. they would know what i mean.
its like jogging for miles and stop and you have no energy left. but you have to keep going because you just have to.
im tired of being in this body. feeling anything at all. emotions. my skin touching this keyboard. its driving me nuts. im not living for any specific reason. i have no motivation to keep on running this marathon. i just dont feel like its in my place to commit suicide.
ether way. im not shure how long i can keep on running anymore. there are days i can spend in my bed doing nothing. just waiting for another terrible thing to happen. why does everyone else have to die and i still live?. my neighbor fell in a coma and died a few days later. he was filled with energy. a bussdriver who used to drive me to school got cancer and died. she had a family and she had joy. but i get to stay on this god forsaken road for a couple of years more while my body is slowly eating itself up alive and life is leaking out of me. is this my punishment, no. i dont believe so.
faith and destiny is a *****.
5 comments
living in autopilot mode .. you do things out of habit or because you’re expected to, but there’s no desire behind it .. you find it harder and harder to develop interest in sthg or feel passionate about sthg
why do I get quickly bored ? why this severe lack of desire ? every day is a day too many
if this is what you’re talking about, I can relate
good people dies and suicidal people lives
funny isn’t it
^Slightly insulting, you called suicidal people bad.
I lived lived on autopilot mode for most of my late teens and early 20’s. I was always just unhappy and I truly just didn’t want to be here anymore. But i didn’t want to kill myself. And it was very hard getting people to understand how I felt because they didn’t think I truly had a reason to be unhappy. I remember constantly praying that God would just come to get me – literally begging. Well, He didn’t. And years later, I’m so glad that He left me here. Life’s not perfect by any means, and never will be. But, I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to laugh, probably hundreds more times, to love, to become wiser,to figure out what I like and to pursue it. I’ve had so many moments that I’m glad I was here to see and enjoy. I say all that to say, yes, life is hard for you right now and it seems pointless and you just don’t feel like doing it anymore, but if you hang in there, I believe you’ll have some great moments that make being around worth it. You won’t always feel like you do right now, trust me. Best wishes.
first off. i dont insult suicidal people. i just think killing yourself is wrong.
second. you people dont seem to understand what i mean. its a feeling. i have a normal life. i do what other people do. i dont have a hard life. its not difficult to me. and yes i do have desire to live. but im tired. try and understand. i just..shouldn’t be here.