Never wanting to leave

Im sitting in my closet. Idk why cause my door is locked but I just feel safer in here I guess. I wish I could stay here forever. Away from the world. Away from my friends and family. Away from having any responsibilities. Away from society. Away from ever having to look at myself. I hate myself. Sometimes I feel like I want to go to the mental hospital and just be crazy not ever having to hold back what I feel cause it might hurt someone. I just can’t handle my life anymore. I dont see the joy and I don’t have the hope to keep pushing forward. I just want to sit in my closet forever and have life pass me by.