I’m probably being stupid, I keep thinking that the only reason that I should continue living is so that my family don’t end up hurt but I’m starting to question my theory. I found my release a week or so ago, cutting, it helped me a bit. Whenever I got shouted at for poor conduct at school or something, I’d concentrate on the pain and everything else would just go silent no matter HOW hard they scream at me, I just wouldn’t hear it. It’s become a routine, planning out and researching how to end my pathetic existence that can’t even affect society, if I […]
June 2012
iv had a lot of thing happen to me in my life but the one thing that iv learned is that the people and things that are closest to you are the things that can hurt you
the most.
just recently i left my dad (im 16 by the way), my parents are divorced and every since iv felt like an empty shell, not because they are divorced but because they
are such different people.
all i want is to be normal, to get good exam results and go to a good college and get a good job, but i cant, i cant because i […]
Every time my boyfriend sees me on this site he gets freaked out caaause he nos I’m crazy enough to commit suicide. I can’t take stress now a days and I don’t have much patients….
Depression ia good to people it nos how to just fuck your shit up. Sometimes you can’t help it.
I love to cut be chocked bite myself anything with pain I love… I don’t know why…
I wanna leave this place we call earth?!? Go into eternal life and be happy with no cre or problem swim with the stars paint a goat… Ive shroomed and left my body once […]
well this morning i woke up i felt so much better i was able stand on both of my feet but i was still a little limping i get to the arch of my room hallway and lean against the wall for balance and everything instantly become fuzzy and black spots appeared ( i have perfect vision!) i felt heavy and my dad walks downstairs and says “u feel okay?” i said “no” he told me to go back to bed my body couldnt respond i just fell over and hit the floor which than split my scab open from my leg so now there […]
I know there is a bad economy.i know my family isnt one anymore.i know my eldest brother died trying to build the family a good future.and i know i might never know how it feels to be loved.but i dont care.i dont care because nobody cares.nobody give a fuck about me.i am one worthless ************.and thats the only reason why when i see people turn their back on me.i hate myself for a while and move on.i know my entire family is broke and i know the world is not a place for our kind.i dont belive in hope or a bright future.’cus the only […]
Even if you decided to take you own life and end your days here on earth does the guilt of telling someone big so that person get a golden chance to help you
so was the title for the song decided… “golden chance”
But the fight has only just begun to me; it is a long way to go because suicide is growing in Sweden and worst is that it is the
age 12-18 that commit suicide most of the year today
in Seweden is the number of suicide 1500 by year and it is 4-5 times
more that think about doing it
thats why i […]
I’ve got to go… should have gone years ago!
I hate myself nearly as much as life but can’t end it on my own!
I was in the middle of dream when I was awaken by squealing. Groggily, I turned on the light and saw a little mouse stuck on one of the glue traps I set out during the summer to catch any june bugs that might crawl into the house.
I watched it for a while, it’s furry body was stuck painfully on the glue trap, stuck in some contorted way. It’s right ear was torn from it’s struggle. I could see it’s heart beating frantically in its stomach. Every time I came near it, it writhed in fear and would squeal as loud as it could.
I’ve caught […]
So i tought i dserved to be loved again.and fell in love with the nearest available girl i could find.and somehow someway i am back here feeling as unlovable and dejectd than i ever was
I’m lost.
I think I’m doing ok. And on some days I’m even happy.
I thought I was over you. I now know I’m not. I thought I was happy and was able to love again…till I saw your face. And how happy you looked with her.
I got the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach again. A reminder that I am not over you. Nor will I.
A reminder that you will and are the one I need.
A part of me wishes you would have let me die a year ago…
you still would have been happy and I wouldn’t have been in this much agony and […]
last year around march i had a gunman storm into the house and threaten to shoot me my daughter and the unborn baby in my womb, the only thing i could think of was to cover hurl my body over sasha as cushioning in case she got shot and to cover my stomach , i left my head feet and arms visible for him to shoot at as he pleases, there are those who have witnessed the shit i have had to go through since i was 20 and alone with sasha , risking my life, my health , my sleep my everything for the […]
Is life worth living??What do you think?
Like, when is it my time to be that girl who was once the ugly duckling and turned into the beautiful swan? Because right now, im still the ugly duckling. It feels like no matter how old i get, or how much i try to change my look. I will always look like shit! it’s crazy. And everytime i think i look good, No one else does. Like no matter what i do, im always be that ugly ass girl. you know? and it gets annoying. Im tired of it. Im tired of being “the ugly one” when it comes to me hanging with my […]
theres nothing worth writing , just taking my time , then oh well get over and done with , im soooooo tired ,i cant even type , oh well whatever … made up mu mind already . the onely way to go when everything you have worked extra hard for , for 30 years goes down the drain and you husband actually thinks you are worth nothing …sucks
i feel like i bother you so much.
I can’t do this anymore, I can’t, I’m lost I don’t know what to do. I can’t do it anymore.
When I was a little girl, I knew nothing of the word ‘ hate ‘ . I knew no sadness, I was so carefree, I did what I could to make others pleased. I was blind to what my brother was doing to me , blind to see that it wasn’t my fault. After I walked in on my first brother shooting him self in the head , my sweet careless brother
. I noticed my second brother had changed toward me , I noticed he was more hostile. He beat me every night , he kicked my ribs till’ I heard them crack. He […]
About 3 year ago I fell in love with a girl that I had known for a few years. We started to talk through texting, instant messaging etc, but we would never talk in person, ever, I mean I felt just guilty looking at her. We became “best friends” (sounds almost laughable now, considering we never said one word to eachother), but I always got so angry whenever we talked after a few months of this, and we argued pretty much every day (still through texting), which caused me to harm myself – most notably I have several long scars across my torso, a burn […]
How could they not get this? Why don’t they know how I am feeling? For 4 and 1/2 months I have been crying every night all alone in my bed while teenagers at my school slowly eat away my insides. I have cut myself. I have starved myself. All due to things that these kids say and do to me. But no one knows. My family thinks that I love school. That I have a lot of friends. I have no friends. I hate school. For the past month I have been making up excuses like that all of my friends are busy or whatever. […]
anyone going to where we can get the “medicine”? i will buy from you if not go with you