Every time my boyfriend sees me on this site he gets freaked out caaause he nos I’m crazy enough to commit suicide. I can’t take stress now a days and I don’t have much patients….
Depression ia good to people it nos how to just fuck your shit up. Sometimes you can’t help it.
I love to cut be chocked bite myself anything with pain I love… I don’t know why…
I wanna leave this place we call earth?!? Go into eternal life and be happy with no cre or problem swim with the stars paint a goat… Ive shroomed and left my body once it was amazing I just remember seeing this dark shadow standing next to me as I stared at myself he told me just to stay with him I really wanted to but something brought me back I was kinda angry so I cried I didn’t wanna fuckin be here… I just i don’t know my brains everywhere right now I don’t want help I don’t believe I need it but I wanna be dead…
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4 comments
death is not the way
Bev, you can change this place that you are in. Everything you say cries out for help, and it’s not lost, it is heard. Please be patient with your self. Please go and make a phone call to a psychiatrist that is your town, or an appointment to see someone in your local clinic. Explain to them how you feel. The anxiety, the depression, the fucked-up-ness, it’s all possible to heal and to move on. I’m a perfect example of that. It was a combination of antidepressants and some therapy (for years) that brought light back into my world, made it all possible again. Can you imagine smiling again? Laughing because it’s real?
You need some real help, medical help, but you are going to need to move your self towards that on your own if there’s no-one else to help you do it. You can do it.
Maybe you shouldn’t have a boyfriend if what you’re really in love with is the idea of death and leaving him. How can you love someone when don’t love yourself enough to even want to stay alive. And you make it sound like you’re upset with him for getting freaked out. Geez, what a horrible boyfriend, not wanting his gf to commit suicide and all. If you want to walk down the path of depression and suicide then you should at least remain single and not subject someone else to dealing with your pain and depression and then one day leaving them behind if you decide to leave. I feel bad for him.
I’m with ThousandCuts. Suicide is not something that should be taken lightly. By your story you seem like you don’t really want to die, you want to be happy. Death will not make you happy. There is no “after life”. You will not come back. You will be nothing. Think about what makes you happy. How can you achieve this? Prayers and love.