Understanding

I don’t know where to start really. I haven’t been on here in a long time. I can definitely say that I have changed. In some ways good & others bad. I am just confused I guess. I don’t know why I feel this way. I’m just always so mad or depressed. I know i don’t have it so bad either & am thankful for what I have. So I always put on a smile just to hide everything. But I’m tired of doing that. I just want to get up & leave. Go somewhere I don’t know. Somewhere I can be alone, think & try to understand just what is wrong with me. I’m just tired of all my smiles being fake & forced.. I need to know what is needed to fill this void in me.