Hey all,
I know this forum isn’t the best place for this post, but I just wanted to talk to someone and tell someone how I feel.
It was a pretty busy day for me. I talked a lot to other people ( 2 persons). But when I came home today I felt so down and depressed. I don’t know why, but somehow I lost interest in life. Every second day I feel so depressed for no particular reason. I don’t think I am depressed or suffer from an other brain illness, its just that I put my life in a state where I disconnected absolutely from reality, from others, from everything. I am learning and studying now for about 3 weeks every day and night. I have no plans for my holidays. I really need new clothes, but I just got no time to buy some, because I have to learn. Always so busy learning, but my grades are pretty worse, although I passed every exam by now.
A funny thing is, that my life improved in the last weeks, I found one or two friends ( I had nearly no one the last half year). I have a new hobby (inline-skating) and I am not crying anymore so often, because of the rejection of my love. But still, I don’t feel happiness, when someone makes a joke I laugh, of course. But I can feel a sadness in me that doesn’t fades away. Every second day I am feeling so blue. I know that a relationship could help me, but I am afraid of showing myself to others. One reason is my low self esteem. the other one is that I never had a partner. Although I am 20 years old. Honestly, I think I can’t handle a real relationship, I just have no experience on this field. Yeah whatever.
Somedays ago I read an interesting quote:”Note sure if I am depressed or just grew up”. Maybe I just grew up! Maybe I am having a adult view of the world now. Maybe thats the thing that makes me depressed and feeling lonesome. I don’t know. But I know that this feeling isn’t going to disappear in the next weeks. I just move on and try to give my best in exams and try to be nice to the people around me ( at someday I would like to just hurt everyone)
P.S. I know this post isn’t about suicide and don’t matches in this forum, but someone will read this, I know. And I have no one else to talk to about this, I am sorry if someone feels offended in any way. Sorry ofr my bad grammar and writing, but Thanks a lot for reading! =)
2 comments
No apologies I think this is the perfect place for this and it does fit. These feeling can sometimes lead to suicidal thoughs… I think getting them out and talking about it before or gets to that point is great. I wish I would have started talking and opening up when my depression started, it may have saved alot of sadness. Dont get me wrong talking and sharing doesnt take away the pain but getting things off your chest and sharing with people who understand does help some! Keepings things in can start to feel suffocating and with no outlet you can drown in your own emotions.. I know because thats what Ive done for most of my life! So share all you want!! Vent!!! There are lots of people on here to listen, most of us do plenty of venting too!!
Hi Maybe, welcome to the forum, like exhausted24 I think your post is quite at home in this forum, please don’t worry about that.
Great that you are working so hard at your studies. I’m also pleased to hear about the new friends you have made and your inline skating. Regarding relationships, everyone is different. It may be that you need to allow yourself more time to start finding who you are before you leap into those waters. You DON’T have to be ‘like everyone else’ Maybe. Take time to discover more about what it is to be ‘Maybe’. I wish you well. Zx