I hate it when every time i feel like i’m getting somewhere with maintaining and re-establishing my 8 year friendship with my best friend she finds a new way to dimish all hope of us still being friends when we leave school and i don’t have alot of time because year 11 finishes in 10-11 weeks and my friend will stop going to school to go to tafe and it’s frustrating because it feels as though i’m the only one fighting for our relationship, because i’m the one to ask her do you want to see a movie? go shopping? or have a sleepover? and every single time she says  No or comes up with another creative way to say no and sometimes i feel like she lying to me because, for example i asked her to the movies and she said she could because (well i forget there’s to many excuses to count)but i was fine because i believed her excuse but when i went on my facebook page someone posted something and tagged her saying that they just left the movies and were having lunch. And than i realised…she lied to me…lied to me. lied… like seriously after an eight year friendship you think she could at least tell me the truth. i mean i can take the truth, but it’s the lies that i can’t handle. i’m getting so tired of fighting for someone that isn’t fighting for me, i’m tired of being second choice, i just want to matter. I have servere trust issues given my life experiences and she knows what i’ve been though and has herself experienced some of those things herself and especially after year 9 with the whole year turning on me than in year 10 with what felt like losing her and the damage we both did to each other it feels as though its happening all over again. And i can’t go through that again, not alone cause last time that happened i started cutting, got depression and attempted suicide all because i almost lost her, (she doesn’t know all that was mostly because of her) but now … i have lost her she doesn’t want to do anything with me and when we talk i don’t get anymore than one word answers. this time i’m not fighting as much because last time the more i fought the greater damaged it did. I’m in so much pain and my best friend can’t even see it, she was the only one i could talk to and now she’s not here for me and doesn’t want to do anything withme i don’t have anyone. I mean when we were fighting and i heard her parents got divorced i let go of my pride and was there for her because my parents also got divorced and i rememeber the impact it had on me and i knew i had to be there for her. So i waved a white flag and supported her when she needed me i was never more than a foot away sitting a few feet from her everyday recess and lunch ALONE because no-one would talk to me and she didn’t notice. I will away be there for her when she needs me no matter how much i suffer because i do care for her and i wish i had the strength to let her go because i’m tired of feeling this way, but i can’t. I wish she knew how much she means to me and would stop making me feel this way. I just want her to realise that i still care and do things with me blow other people off to do things with me instead of blowing me off to do things with other people. I want to know i matter to her. Cause it feels like i’m dead to her, and it hurts cause i use to be such a big part of her life.
And now I’m dead.
2 comments
oh how I can relate to this post with a passion, takes me back to old times, I gave up 3 best friends, 3 best friends who meant so much to me, I grew up with these girls and now they are not in my life anymore, why? because of time,
Time always changes things, including people. as much as you don’t wanna hear it hun, I will tell you anyways, seems to me the friendship is over. Why spent so much time and energy into someone who doesn’t care the same way you care about them. Seems to me you’ve put a lot of effort into repairing what you guys once had, and it’s not going anywhere, sometimes you have to separate yourself from the pain, in order to become strong and know what you want and don’t want out of friendship. If I were you I’d just walk away.
It did hurt to let these 3 people go out of my life, but it seemed they did more harm then good, so why bother feeling like you were the one that’s wrong when in reality it was them.
It’s up to you if you wanna keep fighting, I will respect you in whatever decision it is that you will make. But in the time, TIME will bring you new faces and new friendships. Please focus on school and yourself! let things fall into place, maybe she’ll come around soon. Maybe she just needs time for herself as well. Give her her space hun.
I hope things get better for you.
We’re here to help okay.
xx
Hi rach55555, I too can relate to your feelings of loss and I guess rejection over a ‘best friend’. Though I’m towards the other end of the age spectrum I had a really sad scenario blow up between me and my ‘best’ friend of many years (I was 47 when it kicked off). I was devoted to her and bent over backwards to try and mend fences so as not to lose her out of my life. In the process of continuing to blame me overwhelmingly (and exonerate herself), the lies she told and the plain old lack of morals she exhibited, did kinda convince me that she was a bit of a dangerous friend to have in the first place. I just hadn’t known what she was capable of. I’ve got to say, logically, rationally, coolly and objectively at this distance…she wasn’t worth the heartache I went through over her.
When you are the deep feeling and sensitive one it’s so easy to get hurt by such a person. I have the feeling that your friend is not as uniquely wonderful and special as you are giving her credit for by investing so much emotional energy in her. Try to branch out a little. I guess you are lonely and clinging to her a bit and no doubt she notices the clinginess and maybe wants to shake you off.
My hunch is that this girl is not worth your time. You’ve been grateful for her support and help in the past but I guess what you need to look at doing is making other friends and investing your time and emotional energy across a few people rather than focusing solely on one.
I’ve made the self-same mistake myself enough times, so believe me I do empathise. Very best wishes rach55555, Zoe