It’s getting harder, I’ve been thinking about killing myself non stop since yesterday. The pain is pouring from my viens in small amounts for now but its not enough, theres so much more to come. I’m looking in the mirror and I know what I have to do to finally get some peace, I tried to turn a corner in my life but there is none, I tried to get better but theres no hope. I just wanted to be happy for once, is that too much to ask for? I just want to join you in death, I love you so much and without you life just isnt worth living!
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Loneliness consumes you, eats you, devours you
How are you supposed to deal with this adversary?
Emptiness reeks from inside of you
You try to fight it but you always fail.
The endless pit of sorrow traps you
You cannot get out, you are all alone.
You feel broken inside
And there is no one that can mend you
You cannot see the light
Even though the sun is behind you.
The tears clutch your throat
You try to give in, but they won’t come out.
You want to be filled with hope
But you can only feel doubt.
This is a poem I wrote about two and half years ago. I think in some way it portrays the void, the hopelessness you and I feel.
By killing yourself you aren’t sure to reunite with your loved one. Yes, it’s a possibility, but it’s not guaranteed. You might be throwing the greatest thing you have, your life, in order to get something and eventually you wouldn’t even get it. However if you decide to live on you will die eventually anyhow and then you might reunite with him / her. Try to think on what he / she would have wanted you to do… Would he / she would want you to throw you life away, to die? I doubt it.
If you try to give life some more time and chance, things might be better. By killing yourself now you are losing all the potential life you could have had, a life in which you could have been happy. However if you try and give life some more time you aren’t losing a thing, since you can still take your life if you feel this world is indeed as horrible as it seems to you now. Death is the last final “solution” to the problem. (as I said it might not even be a solution due to the fact you might not meet your loved one and due to the fact death might be something else entirely, nothingness as some call it, which is something so extraordinary that we can’t even begin to imagine what it is)
Death is like trying to kill a bug with a chainsaw. You don’t start with a chainsaw. You start by trying to carry it out of your house, if that fails you use some kind of substance to force him out, if that fails you try to kill him with a shoe or some kind of spray… the chainsaw is very very far down this list…
Also, it’s important to remember all those you would harm by committing suicide. All these people will feel devastated, ruined, wrecked. It will cause them unimaginable pain. Would you really want to do that?
I hope that you decide not to kill yourself, at least to try and give life some more time. I hope you get better and feel better, I really do.
If you need someone to talk to or something of that sort, I’ll be more than happy to do it.
Oak
Alright, this site has some sort of a vendetta on my comments. My comment was instantly sent to the spam section of the comments… If you receive this comment, please go there and read it.
Oak
I think that if you comment to a new user, they have to moderate your comments first.
This has happened to me as well.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare so no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
Talk to me :/ if this makes you feel worse, please email me, im here and i CARE!! your a complete stranger but i care, and i’ve been exactly where you are, reach out to me :3 Please don’t give up hope