if you really knew me <3

Well I think its time to tell people why I cut and why I think I’m depressed.
It starts off like all the rest, happy family, with money, love ect..
When I was about four years of age I was working in the farm with my daddy and my sixteen year old cousin, my dad left to get some food for the cattle, I was sitting on a lump of hay. My cousin comes up to me and starts fingering me. It was not a good experience for me and I couldn’t get him to stop. I think he would have gone a lot further if my daddy hadn’t came. But dad said nothing, did nothing, I thought fathers were supposed to protect us?
Well two years passed and I had kinda gotten over the abuse. My grandmother had gone away for 3weeks of the summer to visit her brother in another country. Well let’s just say my grandfather wasn’t too happy. He got her wardrobe and he brought it to the pier and set her stuff on fire. I just started screaming your a monster. When my gran came back from holidays she was quite pissed off about the clothes and started giving off to my granddad. He went to the kitchen and got a knife, he chased her up the stairs. She crouched behind my six year old body, terror in her eyes. And all he could do was laugh.
So another 3 years passed, I was about nine, my uncle had moved to England, he was gone 2years now. He had given my aunt the house to live in while he was gone. He decided to move back home, no one knew he was coming it was a surprise. He arrived at his house. The place was a mess as there was a party the night before. He also took out a knife and went crazy, no one was hurt. Like father like son, eh?
Then I turned 10, my cousin, (she was about 15) Sheila had come to live with us for three months of the summer. I was so happy 🙂 towards the end of the summer I noticed Sheila had changed tremendously, she wasn’t really happy anymore. One night we set a tent up in my bedroom and slept in it. I asked her what was up. She told me that my grandfather(crazy one) had sexually abused her. I didn’t know what to say so I just hugged her while she wept in my arms.
I was 12 it was around february in the last year before high school. Sheila, my cousin had just died in a car crash. She had been celebrating her brothers birthday and some drunk driver crashed into her. I started acting out in class, grades dropped. This made my mother very angry. I got a note send home from school twice. My mother went crazy. She beat me with a steel stick until I fell to the floor, when I was on the floor she kicked me until I passed out.
About 15 now, life is great I have good friends, even a best friend. But then I put up my barriers. Trust issues acting up. They know too much. Not good, why can’t I stop telling them my life story. I ignore them, kick them out of my life.
Back to present now I’m almost 17, I have one person who knows I self harm, who knows everything and two people who think I have stopped.

Thanks if youu have read this far <3 youu may think its too dramatic to be true, heck I think it is. But its my life.