life or dead?

so 4th of july is here and i happy im not in a mental hospital especially when my therapist knows about my internal debate and following my plan to end it or not ending it. but she can still change her mind tomorrow morning seeing as shes forcing me to see her tomorrow even though she does not even work officially. I really dont know what im going to end up doing but what ever decision i make i hope its worth it. So its down to what i decide although the idea of breaking my boyfriends heart, breaking my promise to my friend, giving my siter the example that its ok to end it and giving my friend the ok to kill herself by me doing it and possible getting my therapist into trouble bcz she might get blamed for not hospitalizing me when she knew what i was thinking doe not make my decision any easier. Do i give love a chance? do i give the new obama law for immigrant students a chance? do i give living with my boyfriend a chance? do i give life a chance? or do i just end it all and finally not have anything to worry about or anything to do? What will it be? should i think of others or just myself? why do i care so much about how others might b affected? ugh what will it b??????????????