Money does NOT give happiness. Enemy of God.

When I was 13, me and my parents have moved from our native country to another. It’s been now 5 years and I hate it, day by day things get worse.

I should be happy, because life here is so much easier than it is in my native country. Here I can afford things, many people can only dream of at my age. I have all the gadgets I ever wanted, but still, I’m not happy. People who say money give happiness are stupid, money does make life easier, but doesn’t give happiness.

For the last five years all I did was playing games, and surfing web. If someone would ask about things that happened in my life, all I could say is “I spent 5 years in front of my laptop, playing games and watching porn every night”. I feel terrible, I am useless. Everything I touch either breaks, or collapses. Every time I fill glass with water and carry it, it pours. Seriously, this is not a joke, every single time. I always fuck things up, make them more and more complicated and I only hurt others.

I don’t have any friends I could openly talk to, I don’t have any friends I could go out with. The only friends I have are college, and work friends who I only see when in college or work. I can trust no one. I wish to end this sad life, as I do not care any more. If someone, or something would kill me it would make no difference. Unfortunately I’m too big coward, every time I put knife next to my neck I can’t do anything. Luckly (Luck, funny – haha luck and me – but yeah) I can afford a gun, the only problem is will I be brave enough to pull the trigger?

I tried many different things to help myself, to help me understand. A lot of them have worked, but after certain amount of time I let myself down again, and again, and again. So I just don’t try any more, I don’t try to understand any more.

Everything pisses me off, seriously – everything. I blame others for not doing things the way they should be done, but I am the one who does just nothing. Lazy, useless fuck I am.

FUCK. SO FUCKING DESPERATE TO END THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT.

Fuck me, I cannot look at myself in the mirror. I am disgusted. I hate myself, I really, really fucking do. The only thing I hate more than myself is God. If God  really exist, and when I finally die, I will kick the shit out of him. I will rip him apart, I will make him miserable, oh I fucking will.

I usually care so much when posting things, what people will think of me, but this time, I don’t give a fuck. Not any more. There is so many things I would like to tell about, but there is no point. Sorry for wasting and using your time.