Dont be afraid to talk to me. Send me an Email.. Or add me on msn. zoebear_1@hotmail.com. Please, I know how your feeling.. i just want to help each and every aingle one of you in any way I can<3
July 2012
As I sit before my computer alone for the second day in a row, the sun shines brightly outside. I realize now that the suffering i’m about to undergo is irrational, but is it truly irrational to want to voluntarily give up life for peace? The method of giving up drinking and eating will end my life in the course of 10 days or more, during this time I will experience coming to terms with myself as the pain in my stomach slowly claims my life. I know that there is no way to write final words without them seeming dramatic or attention-seeking. A long […]
I am not one for showing my true feelings to the general public. I consider myself to have gone completely numb on the inside but nobody could ever tell thanks to my happy personality which I fake just so I do not have to answer questions regarding my true life. I thought once I got out of high school my life would be a bit different, it is in some ways but not everything is peachy. I have been physically and mentally abused by my mom since I was born and I am 21 now and it still continues. According to her I am worthless, […]
i guess ive gotten so good at ling about being ok bc not even my best friend can tell that my “Im fine” or “Im ok nothings wrong” or the complete opposite i feel more alone then ever before ….
I don’t know why I was given this life. Seriously I rather be dead than alive. I can’t stand the concept of a “god” because according to “him” he gave me this miserable life I never asked for. Now that I am alive, I have to live it because I’m too much of a wimp to try suicide… I’m too afraid of the pain. I hate my race as well, I can’t stand living in this culture with these uneducated idoits. It gets me angry just to see my race. I won’t say what race it is so I won’t anger people. I don’t like […]
I want to die so bad right now. Surprisingly peaceful at the moment. I wish it was my last… I’m failing again. I’m no one… I just want to go. Just leave this place for hell. Sure it’s a lot better than here… I know I said I wouldn’t do it here and I don’t have a gun here anyways. Trapped :/ God I wanna go back. I’ve actually considered cutting deep and going like that… Just cuz this hurts and I don’t want to wait. It’s so long before I get back to the gun -.- I hate this feeling.
i tried to tell someone but nobody’s there and it doesnt even matter because i cant express all of the pain in words and even if i did nobody can take the pain away and i dont have the energy to make it go away for myself so it doesnt even matter if i talk to anyone i just wanted someone to do something special for me to make me feel like somebody wants me in this world but i cant make people want me around or want to do something for me. oh well. i hurt so bad its becoming a physical pain. i […]
HAd a rough night last night. I cannot wait for the battle to just end. But while I’m here it just takes away all my energy and all my strength. I’m not hungry though i at smoething small. I’m not really thirty. I’m just so very tired. So very empty and tired. I feel like a rock that sits on the rviver bed but the strong current can’t move me no matter what. I just need to go back to sleep and see if this is finally the time I will be allowd to leave. Rest my head on this pillow and just dream. Just […]
things with my deppresion and life in general have felt overall better recently, but it is a daily fight, its like the celldweller song-birthright “holding on until my hands and mind start bleeding” it feels like they are bleeding, beeding pain. im getting tired anmd i can tell, everytime im having a bad day i have to fight every waking moment and its making me tired, what if i slip back and end up so deep or deeper as i was before? honestly im scared, all these what ifs are running throught my mind, im getting tired of the fight. “hes on his way to […]
yup. I cut last night. Just one but I couldn’t ‘not’ cut -.- I hate my brother. I like looking at it -.- blood came almost through the band-aid. beautiful -.- yeah I’m weird, whatever. I missed it tho.
My name is Alex. Everyone thought I was the happiest person they knew. I made myself believe it at times. I have been depressed since I was about six. And now seven years later…I Still am. My father left me, my sister, and my mother just so he could run off to live in Oklahoma with his hooker girlfriend. I believed everything was my fault. That nothing would ever get better. That nothing mattered. I was six. I was so depressed.Everyone thought that because I was so young that I wouldn’t be able to understand what was happening. But I did. They didn’t think that […]
Anxiety, depression, Bulimia Nervosa and cronically alone.
After seeking treatment for Comorbid major depressive disorder and Bulimia Nervosa I though I would change and consequently my life would change. Reality is a whole lot different. I constantly have suicidal thoughts, high levels on anxiety and extremely low moods.
I find my self in the grips of yet another bad Bulimia time. On a good night I eat dinner once and loose it once, on a bad night I might eat 3 and loose 3. I do it not to be thin but to ease the anxiety and stress and as an avenue for self harm. I am […]
a sum somewhere between 3,000 and 5,000 euro/$ .. what would you do ?
I would fly to Brasil (always wanted to go to South America) and find a way to die there .. the country where I am now, I hate it so much I don’t even want to die in it
what about y’all ?
the coward’s way out, then I’d rather be a smart coward than brave and delusional
ever since I’ve stopped going to college (sept. 2011), I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do next, what path to follow .. in vain
but the truth is: a future where I’m glad I’m still alive, where I’ve found a purpose is a self-inflicted lie .. my ego+personality knows that when I die, it will be the end of it and it can’t stand the idea of its own death .. so it would rather fool me into believing there’s still something to gain from, something to accomplish […]
Anyone else going through an abusive/controlled relationship that is trying to get out?! /’:
Go to sleep and close your eyes,
And dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wings against a thorn.
You know the pain that they have endured
Silver metal
Shine so bright
Scarlet blood
That feels so right.
Dream of that blood trickling down,
And wake up just before you drown.
The moonlight shining off your tears
As you bleed out your worst fears
So tonight when you start to cry
Whisper the cutters lullaby:
Hushabye baby,
Your almost dead you don’t have a pulse
And your pillow is red.
Your family hates you
Your friends let you bleed
Sleep tight with a knife,
Cause its all that you need.
Rockabye baby,
Despite the positivy i spread, dispite the smile i’m wearing when i leave home, or talk to a friend. Despite my constantly moving forward. Despite the bits of myself I share, the structure and advice i used to give. Despite living through unbeatable odds. Despite it al;l I still would like to die. I do not want to see the pain or happiness of tomorrow, I do not want to see the dog that chases it’s tail, the man that holds the door for his wife, the old couple struggling to walk into a store for food. I do not want to see another […]
~*my legs are dangling off the edge, the bottom of the bottle is my only friend, i think i’ll slit my wrists again and im gone, gone, gone, gone*~
The two things that have kept me pushing threw life are my dogs. Sad isnt it? Scotty and Sky .
Ive had sky for 7 years. Ive had scotty for 3. They where best friends. We where best friends. I cried with them, loved them, played with them. I always turned to them when things got bad. They loved me.
Well Guess what happened on Friday the 6th ? My poor little girl Sky got hit by a car. Shes gone. I dont know what to do or how to feel. Ive never lost anybody close to me before and i gotta tell you, it really hurts. […]