Hello. my name is Lena and i am a self harmer, have had thoughts and actions of suicide, and i am depressed. But now i have seen it. i have seen the light. And i found help, and i am great. I have woken up to see the beauty, that actually we are not alone and that if we actually try to get better and to not let our surroundings affect us and our well being we will forever be in peace and in love. I ,Lena, will always be a suicidal survivor and a self harmer. But i have overcome that. I no longer […]
July 2012
You said we’d be forever. How could you kill me and lie to my face?
So, I just spent ages crying my eyes out. My boyfriend caused this. He lied to me. Again. I try to trust him. And he just lies, and lies again. Does he even love me? I’m beginning to doubt it. He’s been gone for maybe an hour. I don’t care anymore. Scratch that. I care too much. I can’t cut my wrists because I promised to stop. But right now. The thought is tugging at me. I want to just give in. I feel dead and drone like. Should I just go? Embrace the beauty of being lifeless and dead, no longer being lied to. […]
Friends..?
Family..?
can we really be sure that we are not alone?
can we be resured…i dont think so…
friends.. don’t want to listen to the depressing fact that i am alone with no hope of living
they try to cheer me up as if it is that easy
i.am.tired
i hate my family everyone holds on to their every word..SHE said,” oh i would never hit my children” over the phone
………..LIAR…….
how dare you i am repulsed by the fact that you dare to say such words with me meters away…its sickening
……………..so i tell you now……….i am TIRED….DO THEY THINK I LIKE FEELING THIS WAY…..they didnt even look me in the eye […]
I look at my friends and wonder how they are so strong. So many facing real
problems, issues I couldn’t imagine trying to cope with. Yet they go on and
they survive. Here I am with no real reason why just struggling to hold on. It
makes me feel weak and even more like I am letting everyone down.
I try to
work but I just can’t do it. I haven’t really worked in two weeks. It only
hurts my family more if we struggle financially, and I know that. But when I
log into work I just can’t handle dealing with customers on the […]
When I found this site I was closer to suicide than I have ever been. How close is that? I can’t really be sure.
A few hours later, shit doesn’t seem so grim.
This is the first time I have really gone out of my way to find people who feel like me. I always knew there were people who thought like I did, but there’s something comforting about seeing other people’s thoughts put on display. Amazing website here.
Ten years ago
We were both fifteen. Teenagers. Too old to be called children, and barely old enough to be called teens. Too old to be taken care of, but too young to get many freedoms. Lost, reckless and confused, much like the majority of our age group. Except for one tiny difference: we were being held in a school for emotionally unstable teens.
Neither of us thought there was anything wrong with ourselves, but apparently the rest of the world disagreed. We were both there for the same reason, which was cutting and repeated suicide attempts. Nothing some special school could fix; just a bit of […]
“The Suburbs”
In the suburbs I
I learned to drive
And you told me we’d never survive
Grab your mother’s keys we’re leavin’
You always seemed so sure
That one day we’d be fighting
In a suburban war
Your part of town against mine
I saw you standing on the opposite shore
But by the time the first bombs fell
We were already bored
We were already, already bored
Sometimes I can’t believe it
I’m movin’ past the feeling
Sometimes I can’t believe it
I’m movin’ past the feeling again
Kids wanna be so hard
But in my dreams we’re still screamin’ and runnin’ through the yard
And all of […]
my mama used to tell me: if you can’t find something to live for, you best find something to die for (2Pac)
if you can’t find reasons, a cause to live nor to die for : you simply are in deep shit .. good luck to whoever is in this situation, life becomes quite a burden
I came across this website, when googling “i just want to die, how can I find someone to kill me”
& read many post from other and realized that most are very to how I feel on the daily, and the reasons why I want just want life to end.
Please, just make make it end.
Fairly sure that I’ll kill myself tomorrow. Why not today? Why not now? Don’t know. Just want to do it on a Saturday.
It’s been ten years (-ish) and nothing has even dented my depression. Not talk therapy, not drugs, not exercise, not eating better…nothing.
Stick a fork in me, cause I’m done.
Every time I fail at something I have images pop into my mind of me putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. It’s gotten to the point to where I also see these images every time I think of things I’ll never have or things I should have done differently in the past. These visions are slowly making the idea of ending my life more and more do-able. More and more realistic…
i hide the pain with the wall i built and the smile i put on everyday……
but when my wall breaks and my smile turns upside down…..
that’s when i think about suicide.
will i be here for today or tomorrow?
or will they win?!
I feel like that again. Like all I can do is cry. And be depressed. And hate myself. My tears feel like razor blades. My heart aches. Yet again, I’m not who I seem to be. I’m empty. I’m scared… I want to be gone, so no one has to deal with the pathetic excuse for a person that I am. And so I can be done with this. Disgust is the only thing I see in myself. I’m the one who made myself like this. And there is no way to fix me. I depend on pills to keep me alive, to numb my […]
No reason to live…I’m a fucking loser!Again my stupid brother told me awful things.He told me to hang myself.What stops me??
I could finnish it all.What to live for??
I always was the black sheep of the family and that will never change.They don’t care about me.So…If my own family doesn’t care for me then who else would care?
How much I wish to get out of that house and do something on my own!
I have two options:Try to make a change or Kill myself
I don’t know how I’ll end up
I know this is stupid but I had to make a poem for english and I worked for days on this becaue I tried so hard not to write about anything too deep since we had to explain the meaning being conveyed in the poem… So I guess if you’re feeling sad search or draw or think up a rainbow because rainbows make me happy and this is what happens to me when I see one… And also just to let you know this is a scene I set out of me walking to school…
As I search for that rainbow
Vengeful clouds devour the sky
Chill infects my […]
i have very low self esteem. i spend all day online looking at ways to make myself prettier- makeup tricks, hair tricks, fashion tips. i shop a lot and keep up with latest trends and i always try to look good. i want to please those around me- my husband my family. everyone is always looking their best, they criticize me when i do not wear makeup or have my hair done. they look down on me. this morning i was feeling down and ugly like i always do while watching some beauty videos on youtube. i was listening to the TV about how to […]
On Monday my primary school best friend (still see her and am fine with her) invited me to a thing with about 10 of her high school friends (including one I went out with and am now a bit intimidated by). I was with my friend today and we were in the shops and passed one of her friends. SO AWKWARD. I was only there for 3 minutes… I’ll be there for 6 hours. Mmmm… :/ I think i might just not go and say I’m sick. She’ll probably know I’m lying. And I’m sorry… you don’t know me… Not my story… I’ve done some […]
these days my mom is slowly trying to mold me into this over holy person, i feel like she is drowning me, an i am losing who i am slowly, while trying to please others ,an i feel like am at a constant battle trying to be me . So i just wanna say that life is hard but the obstacles we get through are what makes us who we are ,and dont let ppl change you cause in the end you will never realize who you anymore, and to all those ppl out there who are struggling stay strong, be true to yourself, dont […]
iv had so much happen recently. so many people left me and made me feel worthless and alone but then i realised all the people who are still here with me and the only people i dont have are the ones who dont deserve me, i am valuble and so is everyone else. someday we will find something or someone worth all the pain, every day of pain and misery is one day closer to that, every second that passes is one second closer to happiness, it will come im sure, its waiting for us to find it.
Growing up, I was that girl who always believed (and had been told) I was fat and ugly and that even makeup and surgery wouldn’t fix that (still have only worn makeup once in my life, and that was for a performance). I also embraced the label the perfectionist “nerd” and girl who hung out with the “weirdos” of the school (I love them <3), so I know what it is like to cop a lot of crap and be bullied. And even though I consider myself someone who doesn’t let verbal abuse affect them, I know what is is like to feel like crap […]