Hi there, i don’t want to go into a lot of detail so i will try keep it short. I have suffered from severe depression for 10 years. It started with a breakdown caused by a split with my boyfriend and i swallowed a bottle of paracetomol. I freaked out and called for help. After that i overdosed again and slit my wrists twice and needed stitches. I was hospitalised on and off for a few years and was mis diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder. I’ve seen a number of psychiatrists over the years and have been on every single medication you can imagine and nothing has helped. I have also been seeing different psychologists off and on for 9 years and i have failed to improve. This year has been the worst by far and i was so desperate to feel better i opted for ECT treatment which was terrifying in every way. I lost my memory, was in severe pain and was so confused for months. Anyway, i felt better once my treatment was complete and i was sure this was the right thing for me. The problem was i only felt better for less than 2 weeks! After that i fell into the worst suicidal depression of my life and have been there for 6 months. I have continued to see a psychiatrist who has diagnosed me with dysthymia with major depressive episodes (double depression). I am also treatment resistant and have been told that only therapy can help (when it hasn’t in the past). I have never been more scared in my life. I have been suicidal almost constantly for 6 months. I wake up and wish i was dead. I live with my boyfriend and he is the only thing that keeps me going. I haven’t worked in 9 years, i have no family where i live and i have no friends. I have no interest in anything and just want to sleep or drink to numb the pain. I can’t live like this anymore and have planned to kill myself on many occasions but have failed to due to certain things going wrong. I am 31 and have been dealing with this disease for over a decade and thing’s just continue to get worse. I am in such pain i can hardly breathe. I want to die so badly but i’m scared i’ll mess it up and not succeed. All i think about is death and how i can finally be at peace. I have no life and i’m suffering constantly. I can’t eat, sleep or function like a ‘normal’ human being. I don’t want to be on this horrible planet anymore, i am just so tired of life and living. Can anyone help me, give me advice on a peaceful way to end it? I am desperate!
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i feel as tho im in the same place as you… im sorry
I have felt the same was as you do, with no spark and no connection. Can you please stick around a little while longer? I am.
I am so sorry you have felt the same way…But why should i stick around? I don’t see the point in anything…
@blue butterfly …. i am in the same place as you, i dont see a point to anything either
iv stuck around way to long …. only to keep hurting
I know this isn’t really allowed but what do you think about partial suspension hanging? I’m thinking of putting a cord around my neck and cutting off the carotid arteries so i pass out then eventually die from lack of blood to the brain. I will hang from my cupboard clothing rail and just kneel down, the pressure should be enough (think auto erotic asphyxiation). I know this sounds sick but i really don’t see the point in going on, i’m in constant severe pain and there is no known cure for my illness…
@blue butterfly …. i just watched a video of a kid that did that… im in the same place as you
You will stand up. If your hangin and your feel a’nt on the ground you shit youe self and die after 20 mims. Don’t go there.
watch the video… Marcus Jannes just google it
Marcus Jannes. id he Russin.? What’s that about.?
Sweedish… if you have the stomach for it then look… its real
I just gooled it. All i got was some Russin or maybe Sweedish.
http://www.truecrimereport.com/2010/10/video_marcus_james_21_commits.php
Blue butterfly …. im sorry I cant help you, people like ius i dont feel like we can be helped. Either we sit in misery all our life or we do what we have to
@blue butterfly im thinking the same rout…
@blaz04 how strong will my stomach exactly have to be for this video, i would really like to watch it…
Its not grousome just real… have to.keep that in mind when watching …. that’s a real video
I know this is going to be self obsessed on my part, but i’d like you to try something.
Okay. I’ve thought about killing myself, too. I understand your feelings of self destruction and to an extent, share them. That said, I see this post, and the first thing that comes to my mind is, “I hope you don’t”. I’m not frustrated that you want to kill yourself. I don’t pity you, no offense but I don’t know you…. I certainly don’t love you, but I don’t want you to kill yourself.
You have no family. You have no friends. You have a boyfriend [I donkt know how you did that… I’ve been alone my whole life]. But all that said, I still hope you don’t kill yourself. I don’t know if there’s a sense of selflessness in you or a sense of charity in you, but if there is, I do have a challenge for you. There are others who feel the same way you do. Myself included [to an extent, but not as severe]. They’re people you don’t know and you don’t love and you don’t pity them, but they’re the same in that they feel so lost and alone. They’re the same, as you, but I’m going to make the assumption that you don’t want them to die either. I feel like, if you give into those desires, to kill yourself, if everyone gives into those desires to kill themselves, then anyone who gives ever feels this way will also eventually kill themselves.
Can you imagine that? Anyone who feels this bad killin themselves the minute itgets to hat point in their lives. And what point is that? 10 year? 20? 30? If someone you love reaches that point, will they kill themselves? Is there a math equasion for it? Anyway, my challenge to you is to find a way to not kill yourself. Fnd a reason for living to see the next day. It’s cheesy and positive and I feel like a tool for even saying it, but I think it could be beneficial to someone else if you come back here and say a reason to not kill yourself. To find a way to kep going. That’s so much more effort and so much harder and you have no reason to do it for yourself, but to find it for someone else. That would be a great discovery.