Hi there, i don’t want to go into a lot of detail so i will try keep it short. I have suffered from severe depression for 10 years. It started with a breakdown caused by a split with my boyfriend and i swallowed a bottle of paracetomol. I freaked out and called for help. After that i overdosed again and slit my wrists twice and needed stitches. I was hospitalised on and off for a few years and was mis diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder. I’ve seen a number of psychiatrists over the years and have been on every single medication you can imagine and nothing has helped. I have also been seeing different psychologists off and on for 9 years and i have failed to improve. This year has been the worst by far and i was so desperate to feel better i opted for ECT treatment which was terrifying in every way. I lost my memory, was in severe pain and was so confused for months. Anyway, i felt better once my treatment was complete and i was sure this was the right thing for me. The problem was i only felt better for less than 2 weeks! After that i fell into the worst suicidal depression of my life and have been there for 6 months. I have continued to see a psychiatrist who has diagnosed me with dysthymia with major depressive episodes (double depression). I am also treatment resistant and have been told that only therapy can help (when it hasn’t in the past). I have never been more scared in my life. I have been suicidal almost constantly for 6 months. I wake up and wish i was dead. I live with my boyfriend and he is the only thing that keeps me going. I haven’t worked in 9 years, i have no family where i live and i have no friends. I have no interest in anything and just want to sleep or drink to numb the pain. I can’t live like this anymore and have planned to kill myself on many occasions but have failed to due to certain things going wrong. I am 31 and have been dealing with this disease for over a decade and thing’s just continue to get worse. I am in such pain i can hardly breathe. I want to die so badly but i’m scared i’ll mess it up and not succeed. All i think about is death and how i can finally be at peace. I have no life and i’m suffering constantly. I can’t eat, sleep or function like a ‘normal’ human being. I don’t want to be on this horrible planet anymore, i am just so tired of life and living. Can anyone help me, give me advice on a peaceful way to end it? I am desperate!