Something undeniable, getting weaker each day.

When i first decided to stop drinking and eating entirely I made the decision to die, at the time that I began my painful journey I had already felt no need to eat anything at all, the thought of a big juicy hamburger nauseated me. With many of those seeking a chance to escape, I plea with you to decide between Irrational Suicide and Compassionate death, I know that it may sound ridiculous to for whatever reason to willingly kill yourself, period.  Many people who take this path are those who are already dying and have wanted to shorten their suffering, this is the difference between irrational suicide and compassionate death. However with the method I have chosen to take I am given 7 to 10 days to decide, there is not a moment where I do not think about what I am doing. When you’re being pushed closer and closer to the reality of death, we all see it in a different light, and some… are too late to take one step back. Much of our pain can be cured, a tough breakup, a friendship falling, all of these can be fixed although difficult it is never an impossibility. It feels like for most of us the only way we can reach out is through a screen, to protect our rights and to prevent others to feel the need to lock us up to save us from ourselves. But does this really make us look at life any differently? No, it makes it more difficult to reach out to those who try to care. Sometimes the only thing that can save us from ourselves is one phone call… one text from someone saying “You are more important than you realize” or just a simple “Are you okay?” but as you wait for that message to come, you rip yourself to pieces with each minute you wait. And when that message does not come, you fall deeper into the hole you have created. My stomach is empty and my body is weak, I feel at peace strangely enough, but the thought of waiting to die is never a calming thought, now is it?