From personal experience I’ve realized that finding that one thing to hold onto can make a huge impact in your life. That one thing can change your whole world and suddenly the urge to kill yourself slowly decreases. Now I’m not saying that it will go away completely, but it will no longer cloud your mind with negative thoughts. Sometimes all it takes is for the one person to walk into your life and make it worth living or sometimes it just takes realization to see that the world isn’t so bad and there are so many opportunities just waiting for you. It’s amazing to think that one day that small thing can change everything. It doesn’t matter how far gone you are, you can always be pulled back. You just have to give it a chance, allow someone to come into your life because you never know, it could benefit you more than you ever could have thought of.
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It’s rarely been people, for me. And I have a grip against hope. But life is amazing, and the world is such a complex place that there is still some mystery and wonder to find in it. It’s a conscious choice to realize that wonder and mystery can’t be taken away by anyone or anything, and they’re safeguards against despair – they hold you back from that downward spiral. While I love people immensely, they disappoint me consistently. That’s a problem on my part – I have expectations that are unrealistic, and I have no control over. So I toss the expectations and life gets much easier to live.
Thanks for sharing that Skyrider and orangish. For me, Skyrider, that ‘small thing’ was a comment made by the psychologist in my therapy group to the effect that ‘no one person is worth more than another’. That comment just chimed exactly with where I was at at that moment. I realised that was the attitude I, too, needed to assume. I needed to let that belief inform all my doings. I felt somewhat changed from that moment on, and no longer felt suicidal.
I believe that we all deserve respect as human beings. Love is a bit more of a grey area, but I would hope that we be deserving of love too. Like you say orangish, life is mysterious and complex, and so are we. We’re ‘wonderfully made’ as someone said. On that basis I’ve come from wanting to throw my own life away to trying to help others who are considering suicide. Because we’re all of us worth it!! Love Z X
Respect comes from the self. That’s also the hardest kind of respect to receive. The right to respect is the right to self-respect, which is all anyone has any control over. Anything more than that is just appearance without content. Helping other people is showing them they can help themselves; loving other people is showing them they can and should love themselves.
It seems to me that the majority of people suffering from depression and feelings of worthlessness are in that rut because they do not understand love; they, perhaps, were never taught how to do it or what it is. Maybe from abuse in their family, chronic neglect, internalizing the idea that they are alone and must own, or be certain things to fit into the mold provided for them. It doesn’t have to be that way.