Taking pills, any kind, just seems to fix evverything. Parents screaming at you, take 2. Work or school overload, another two. Max dose it up just enough to stay functional. Appetite suppressants, the great side effect of pills. Skinnier and skinner I imagine….. I’d be beautiful only if I were skinnier. He says I’m perfect but he doesn’t have to stare at my awful body, the ripples of fat every minute of everyday. I’ve gotten through this before, but now im in a relationship, i dont know how much of my bullshit he can handle. I’m doubting him and not letting my walls down. I want to marry him, to have his babies but i think i fucked it all up….. I need reason to live. I want to be perfect and its killing me how much I im not. I hurt everyone around me. Half the school hates me and wont tell me why….. I dont even know why i stay. Painful everyday. Truth is, i guess i dont want anyone to really care.
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2 comments
Sorry you feel like this Breathe. Wanting to be perfect is really setting yourself up to fail and be miserable every time…It’s such a ccommon malaise this days, especially among young women. I feel for them and I feel for you, and yes, I care! Zx
Nobody is perfect. That’s life I guess. You will find imerfections about yourself everyday. Sometimes it’s better to embrace them to hide them. Perfect is boring. Trust me. I’ve met someone almost like that. I say almost because as I say again, nobody is perfect. But I must admit, I get where you are coming from.