“I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me” D.L

Bad things happen. I am aware of that, for some of them i was responsible,some had to happen sooner or later ( I guess because we had to learn a lesson), and some are just tragic consequences of reality which is a cover for “caused by other people”.

I don’t feel suicidal i am not even mad, the emotions are exchanging quickly one  replacing the other. These last few hours i am acting like i am already dead,not paying any attention to the world around me.
What happened was not my fault,it can’t be. But i can say one thing, this experience taught me a great lesson: DON’T TRUST PEOPLE!
When i say people i mean everyone, including your family, best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends….they may seem very close to you but it just a matter of time when they are going to betray you.
my mother told me a story she read in a magazine. It was about one actor and his father. When the actor was young he went jumping across the wall and his father told him: ‘Don’t worry i ll catch you ‘ but he didn’t. he moved aside and the boy fell. Father told him: ‘That is a lesson my son-don’t trust anyone’

Here we are. Yesterday i found out that i was betrayed by my very one sister and my friends tried to hide it from me. Everyone knew. There was one more person involved, someone i trusted, someone i thought is one of a kind. Someone i thought was good. But guess what Surprise Lucy you are fucked one more time. As they say from every bad thing comes something good. But what is done is done. We are all the same selfish bastards trying to run over others so we will feel the pleasure of being powerful or better. I don’t know if this is hate i feel towards everyone or just disappointment…i can never go back, i can never be so naive or never love someone so much, it’s just not worth it.