On and Off, Repeat

Struggling to keep my happiness going. Not the lollipops and confetti, I mean the ignorant smile. I don’t fit in. My little dumb switch is non-existent. I’ve been searching for work still. I don’t qualify. I’m unable to lift safely, I don’t want to be an ass sitter on’r, and I don’t seem to work well with helping people with their customer service related probs in a day to day manner.

That farm. I found land in a land magazine up north that coats 12,000 dollars or so for 19acres of land. My mom said the land is too much. She’s right. But I want it. Too bad. I can’t afford it. I can’t find a job. I discovered the downsides of people being self employed. It’s hell getting in the job market after calling the shots and taking names. The gov wants to have it’s hand in the cookie jar, but the baked goods are running out. The big guy’s making sure of that.

That farm though. I could die on that farm peacefully one day. It’s gone by now though. That was a few weeks ago I had that book. Gee whiz that 19 acre property. It was a home property but if I had shite loads of green I could possibly get it converted to farm land IF it’s not illegal to just up and have a farm in an already rural but widley space area. 19 acres. I could plant trees that are native and let them thrive naturally. Have a small cottage for me and a wife if she ever randomly appears, and I could be close (3hrs or so) from game lands. I could get a liscense to fish or hunt and have myself dinner. (meat would be a treat and not everyday). I could grow those vegetables. And if I have plenty I could sell some to those who need a some on their plate. Ha

19acres. That farm and one little half broken me. I can barely walk after a days work, my allergies would give me hell, and my natural strength is terrible. I only got one good hand to grip. Golly though. No need to drool over 19acres much longer. It’s gone and I don’t have the cash.

I’ve been doing ok lately. Been ill but been pushing myself through the days yard work. That pollen though. It kicks my ass. Cocky me and no mask. Claritin works only if it’s not so bad. Cut down a dying evergreen shrub. Poor thing. We don’t know what happened to it. it was 6 or 7ft after growing for a few years and then it just died. I put it out of it’s misery yesterday. I cut it down with minimal lingering pain. I had to dig its root ball out. Nearly stirred up my hips and almost dialed up my back for a pain call. But I did it. And I’m tired. My hand seemed to have gotten bigger from that day.

I have a lot more on my mind but I’ll..rest for now and try to bring some content to all this mess I’m dealing with.