What will kill me for sure?

I’m in the same proverbial boat as you. I’m still looking for the best way to go. I’m not telling you to do it or not do it. It’s your life. All I can say is that it’s a very big decision to make (obviously) and I think it would be incredibly irresponsible for anyone here to recommend methods. The Internet is filled with information and misinformation. Take the time to do your research. Maybe in that time you’ll find that there are reasons to live. Maybe not. It’s your road to travel and your’s alone. I hope you find peace no matter which path you take.