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Anybody knows what I mean

by clarity1987

Today I was on the verge of suicide. Today I saw a bird that was on the fence surrounding my home and I saw the very same tree that has been in front of my house for years in a different light while going through this crisis today. These things might sound very much trivial and insignificant but I mention these things because when one (anyone) was or is about to kill themselves or is near to death, life little things becomes much more vivid. The sky and even  the air might feel different.
Why is there this prevailing norm that the act of suicide is a cowardly way out or gutless??? I think its maybe the complete opposite.
Anyone???

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13 comments

donniedeadguywalking 9/11/2012 - 7:55 pm

Got to brave to do it. But it’s selfish act to.

orangish 9/11/2012 - 7:59 pm

I think it is the complete opposite, but in many cases, may be unnecessary – depression sometimes distorts and magnifies the perception of problems. Not always, though. Sometimes depression can push someone closer to reality – what is actually real – than they would be otherwise.

Nature is actually real. A bird and a tree can be very profound.

clarity1987 9/11/2012 - 8:15 pm

@donniedeadguywalking
selfish? hmmmm…….. lets talk about that since I’ve heard that too.
How or why is suicide selfish and to who? Is it that your pain is meaningless because your family and “friends” might be hurt when your gone. NEWS FLASH!!! you are already hurting now, but let’s forget about you and put your pain and let’s put that on the back burner so that you can always think about others feelings FIRST. When will it ever be your feelings that take priority?? When will your pain “solution” needs to be looked into further and taken seriously?? ……….when?

donniedeadguywalking 9/11/2012 - 8:24 pm

you are already hurting them now. Ok what i’m sayin. Going to be hurting them more.

donniedeadguywalking 9/11/2012 - 8:32 pm

What i’m saying. Suicide it’s runing away. That’s what i’m in it for. Runing from my life. I’m selfish. Could wait it out. I you got parents. They going to feel guilty. Like they failed you somehow.

Silentblue 9/11/2012 - 8:33 pm

For me… sometimes I feel dead inside when I want to die. There are moments when certain things capture my eyes or I feel something more about an ordinary thing that becomes more special. I think its simply being in touch with life more, being more open visually and emotionally to something you might have been closed off to while you’re submerge in your own sorrow.

SB, point of view.

clarity1987 9/11/2012 - 8:40 pm

@Silentblue I think you have a point. While your depress your closed off to many things. But when the cloud left, even if its just for a moment, you might see life a little different.

Silentblue 9/11/2012 - 8:49 pm

@clarity, I think those moments is what make people believe in GOD. I know I felt more connected to the world around me at moments when it would rain, and I allow myself to feel something more. Maybe my belief is a self illusion but it felt great at those moments to be alive.

Dawg 9/11/2012 - 8:50 pm

I think when you reach a decision to act on suicide – you do kind of a brain dump – where all the useless and trivial crap is dumped from memory – no future to focus on – no past to be concerned with … and all you have left is “right now” this moment with no prejudices, worries or concerns … no filters – nothing to cloud or skew the input – hence – for the first time in a long while – you see with clarity (see what I did there?) and focus with no preconceived feeling or emotion – the bird – the tree – are seen as raw and pure images that can create their ow thoughts and emotions within you

theory dawg

Silentblue 9/11/2012 - 8:59 pm

@Dawg, yes I seen what you did there, but its not just seeing.. its feeling. I said this story before, when I was a teenager on my bike in the rain and felt like i was connected to something more the sun came out and create a circle of light around me, (just lucky position i was in) I was not suicidal and never had moment like that again, but i felt something unique.

clarity1987 9/11/2012 - 9:00 pm

@Dawg: I do see the play on words “clarity”. I see why Sophie had a thought # “whatever” and gave you a shout-out. I look forward to your comments.
I see how no future or past and no filters can change the way we see things. Its all new all of a sudden.

the Guardian 9/11/2012 - 11:36 pm

We call it being.

The feeling your describing, the connection to the real world, it’s being.

You, being you, being here, now.

Presence.

Freedom from suffering, peace, can be yours in every moment, without suicide.

A real life.

Find me.

Ask me.

Dawg 9/11/2012 - 11:44 pm

@clarity – which is exactly sometimes what we need to do to view everything from a fresh new pristine perspective … when we clear the “mud” off the windshield we can actually see where we’re going – and if we aren’t going the right direction we can actually stop and get our bearings and start again, but this time in we can head down the right path – key is to try and not let the “mud” obscure our view in the future.

right turn dawg

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