I didn’t think this would happen

This isn’t going to be some pretty thing. It’s just how I am right now. Growing up I was fine. I never would have thought I would be sitting here planning how I should die. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so fake for everyone so that they can be happy. And for what. What is one less life. I’m done faking. I’m done being me. I wish I knew how to be real and how to be strong. But I don’t and I can’t. And then you call. You make me feel terrible for wanting to abandon you. You make me think that I am the bad guy. When all I really want is for you to be happy. And I know you would be happier without me. This is so hard. I want to leave for me. But I want to stay for you. Onlyforyou