i dont believe you’re sane if you have not considered suicide

hia all here to speak about the illness that we all share. i dont believe you are sane or honest if you have not considered suicide. the main reason iv come on here is because in the last few days iv attempted to reach out to many of my acquaintances about life suffering and the torrent of
suicidal thoughts that seem to follow any serious self-contemplation im capable of. Notability i’ve come to the realize that the contemplation of limitations lead to suicidal thoughts even if its just for the duration of one class, being bound to a desk while an innocent teacher attempts to “teach”
sends my mind reeling into the darkest chasms it can fathom. Thou i attack the sk3ll system it is not in an attempt to excuse myself from it. Hopefully you still follow when I say at times its fukt to the point of seemingly engineered dis functionality. But more of that later. the ONLY thing that seems to save me atm are the occasional moments of freedom smoking cigarettes and talking to people. I like to be spontaneous. I like to flirt laugh cross reference cartoons or movies and enjoy myself here now. I like to be free. But when i am faced with the formidable nature of my own shortcomings and those of my environment i know i will kill myself. There are moments when it is the only practical solution.
So i reach out i express my suffering i try to express my mind-reeling dread, but i have no one i can thoroughly pour out upon. i have sum friends i have many acquaintances but im alone.