I’m sick of waiting.
I’m sick of having my heart broken again and again. This year has been horrible. I started off telling someone something and having it thrown in my face, and then recovering from it only to find myself falling for the same things all over again with someone new. But this person is different, yet I have to wait for her, but she will disappear from my life. I don’t want that…
She makes me want to strive, but then not being there for her makes me sick, I’m being to obsessive maybe.
I feel empty without her, she’s special, and I don’t want this pain. I know I shouldn’t dwell on suicidal thoughts but that’s all I want right now…just to fade away, and hope something else is better on the other end. I feel like deleting all of these sentences, I keep rereading them and hate myself more for this.
I keep remembering a quote of someone saying something along the lines of being alive means you have a purpose still because your not dead.
But what if your purpose is too die, for others to gain something else.
All this stress is killing me slowly, not being able to eat, not being able to get things done, waiting for her, trying to understand if I should wait for her when she’s says don’t get too attached, but whatever happened to being romantic? I thought everyone would love that stuff?
I hate this so much…
I’m afraid of a future that I will lose things and never get them back…
I’m sick of waiting for whatever reason…I want my life back…because the middle of this year was great now it’s going back to being shit…my whole world is shit, my best friend is trying to find a way to cope with his divorce, my mothers depressed, I can tell, my friends have lost their jobs, my heart hurts, and everybody else seems like their lives are going to shit.
I had happiness for a moment this year, great happiness and then all of a sudden it was taken away from me.
So why carry on? It’s just more heartbreak down the road, but then I have a tiny ounce of hope that things could change…but that’s becoming fragile as well…I don’t want to lose people.
2 comments
Shes not looking at you, so focus on proving to yourself that you are worthy of anyone else’s love. The truth is, you are to a bunch of people. They could be in your situation and mindset, and the sad thought is that you may never meet a single one of them if you quit on yourself now. Just… Consider it. Peace, man.
What you are failing to see is that you don’t need anyone but your self.
Who you are with does not create your happiness, it’s how you live.
You don’t need her to be happy. You don’t need her to work on improving your self, getting a a good job, a education, your own house. Become the person you’ve always wanted to be, and once you have completed your transformation, you will find it easy to get someone you love.
I too was once in your position. Waiting on someone I thought was the world, the only reason to live. But what I found out is that people will come and go, but family is forever. The only thing that is for certain is that you will always have your mom; dad; brother, etc to love and care about you. And that should be enough until you find the right person.
Side note: family members may die, I know this, but my point is that their love is unconditional for you and you can always turn tot he for advice. I’m sure your mom as gone through some rough relationships.