its worse than it has ever been. My depression has surrounded me more than ever.
‘Every day I do less and less, to the point where all I do is lay in my bed . I can’t cry any more , I feel that my sadness has become too strong for me to let it go this way,
I am a student and I don’t even go to my classes any more. Human interaction has turned into almost an impossible thing. Looking back on it I was never ready for college, or for real life for that matter. Every time I try to explain how I feel to my parents, my dad just tells me to deal with it. I can’t keep doing thi. No one I know understands how I feel. How overbearing the hopelessness is, I don’t want this any more. I don’t want to do any of the things that used to make me happy. I just want to be left alone. I am just a worthless bag of bones. Everything I try in my life I screw up. whether its school, relationships, hell even my friends don’t want to be around me any more. I can’t say that I don’t agree with their choice. I’ve always tried to make everyonehappy, to the point where it didn’t matter what I thought. and now, I don’t know what I want, what my likes or dislikes are,. I’ve lost my direction, and I don’t know where to go. I’ve been thinking of killing myself for the past week. While I’ve had these thought before I’ve never actually gone through with it. But now any time I;m driving I think about driving off a bridge. I hold a knife in my hand I think of slitting my wrists. Please, I need a reason to live, some one please give me a reason to live…
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
10 comments
trying to know everything is a reason to live. figuring out why you feel despair is a reason to live. trying to cure this feeling is a reason to live. dont give up.
its hard to want to cure this when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Every time I try to look past this into the future, I see nothing but despair. I will always be a failure to my parents, I’ll never find love again, I’ll never be happy again. Like I said this is all I see in my life, and when I try to change that I get thrown deeper into the hole which is my depression. Its never going to end…
you honestly dont know any of these things. as much as we like to think we are clairvoyant we dont even know whats gonna happen in the next hour. if you feel like a failure, try to achieve something, try and try. love? there are 6 billion people on earth, you really think there isnt someone else? you dont know that you wont find love. i dont even know you and i can tell you that you will meet someone, if not today, or tomorrow, or next week, or next month. there is ALWAYS a next time. it does end trust me. if you’ve read about me you’ll know i have it bad, but i dont let it stop me. dont let it stop you. Anythings possible, shit just the other day bank robbers littered the streets with money close to where i live. and im sure someone has said “you think moneys just gonna fall from the sky, it will NEVER happen.” and look how wrong they are now.
You’re not ‘a worthless bag of bones’. As long as your a good person, that’s all that matters.
I’ll give it a try. I want things to get better. I want to be friendly. I want to be happy. For now I’m going to take your advice and keep on going. Thank you for listening newdawnfades, I really appreciate it. You too Duke.
keep being friendly. fight to be happy. listening to music, watching movies, reading good books helps alot. learning really does help. no problem glad i helped someone.
as opposed to laying and just thinking (trust me i used to find myself doing this alot.) positive stuff does help.
I’m sorry your dad isn’t more sympathetic. People just DO NOT get it sometimes, especially things like depression. I’ve never been depressed but had to stop taking birth control pills because it made me feel like a crazy person. It was the first time I’d had perspective, “oh, so that is what it’s like.” Now, I am never dismissive about how people are feeling.Life is hard, and its harder for some people than others. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Being sensitive/intuitive is a curse when you’re young but a blessing over time. Personally, I wish for more people who feel deeply… being hard on yourself, taking things to heart…. it makes it hard when you’re young, but all these are the signs of someone who will become a compassionate, empathetic, and caring adult. It’s a process.I think we expect a lot of teenagers and young adults these days. If you need to make some changes or take some of the pressure off yourself now, that’s not a crime! Life is FULL of do-overs. You can take off time from school with little to no consequence in the long term. Come back when you are good and ready. I’m sure someone at your school can discuss your options with you. The point is you deserve to have a good life, I hope you can sort it out.
I feel the exact same way. College is a big step, i had a breakdown and ended up not going for 2 years after i finished highschool. Finally here and wish i wasn’t. It just isn’t for some people.Noone can tell you to just deal with it, because dealing is hard. It helps though if you’ve got something else to concentrate on. Like a hobby. Art classes can be amazing. You don’t even have to be good at it, it just helps to get your frustration out on a page. I know they’re only distractions really but if you keep trying new things, maybe you can find something you like. Something you feel you might be good at.
I used to have my singing as my outlet, but I let other opinions take that away from me. I have a classical style voice but no one finds that to be interesting or even talented any more. More and more people tell me I’m “weird” because I’m a bigger person that isn’t a typical macho man and I’m more sensitive. I want to take a break from college but try telling that to my dad ha… sareybelle I appreciate ur understanding, not many people I know are as sympathetic to others situations as you have been. Your words are very soothing and I truly thank you for your kindness. As for kurea, I am sorry you are not happy in college for I really do understand your plight. I will try to find a passion again. Cause that is one thing that I definitely lack in my life right now. Thank you both. It means a lot to know that there are others out there who care.