I don’t exactly know why I’m doing this. Â I’m a hundred percent sure that people have much more fucked up problems than me. But still, I wanted to do this. Don’t know why.
I have a Social Anxiety Disorder. Everyone knows me as the ‘mute girl’. I hate it. But that’s the way life goes. Some say that hapiness is a choice. But, If I didn’t have this disorder, then I would be happy. This social anxiety~ it wasn’t my choice. I can’t ever express my feelings to the world. I’m scared, hopeless- worthless.
I know everyone has their problems, and I know that it might be worse than mine. If I ever have to present something, or if someone forces me to talk or anything like that- I freeze, get nervous, and start feeling sick. Dizzy, blurry, nauseous. That’s how I feel. I can’t stop it.  It’s just there. I’ve had this all my life. 14 years. I’m not even a full adult yet.
I’m mature for my age. I look 18, yet I’m 14. I have a mature mind, and everyone beleives I’m 18 if I tell them. I hate it. Why? Because I can never actually act like myself- a kid. I’m still young. If I do act like one, others say I’m abnormal, or not normal. They think I’m weird. And that’s the thing- I’m always self-conscious. I CARE what people think of me. Insecurity. I’m ugly, and fat. Yes I am.
My friends aren’t even my friends anymore. They used me. I’ve never fallen in love. Never kissed a boy. I haven’t been with a boy. I just want to die. I want to disappear. I’m nice to people I meet, and they take advantage of that- and use me. ‘Useful’ they called me.
Everyone has their own problems. I’m not saying mine is the worst. I’m sorry for all the people that are suffering in their lives. I really do hope they find a solution. Â For whoever who is reading this~ Thank you. I really do care about you. Don’t lose hope just yet.