If I were to destroy myself today, you wouldnt know or care. If you are going to destroy yourself do it in your honor. Not anyone elses. Maybe if I thought you cared I would be more inclined to destroy myself in your honor.
Ever despise someone so much you’re willing to commit the murder of self right in front of them… I used to say you can only hate someone you love so hate does not apply here. One may be feeling feelings undescribable, far from hate. These feelings affect self directly, that’s how soul deep the wounds are.
See the thing is one cannot lose what they do not have. My mind is gone, my words are possesively dark, progressively haunting, I’m becoming so empty to the point I am full. One has no idea how long it takes for one to become full of emptiness, nor the steps required to achieve this great, wonderful, beautiful all time low. Depending on which way one is looking up…
I no longer feel abandoned by life. For I am abandoned by life. I wander aimlessly. A soul detached. For my fits to die in an attempt to live have been abandoned. What worldy life??
Im welcomed in an unwelcome home. I reside here.. on these pages of these walls. The poster boy of Suicide Project. The worthless, hopeless case. Im too far gone to be admitted in a pysch ward. Im too far gone.. I just wanna sleep.. I wanna sleep forever..
1 comment
Somedays are better than others but nothing ever goes my way and, well, I’m used to it now. I’ve been thrown into this dark abyss called Life and the only light at the end of the tunnel isn’t my first choice.I completely understand how you feel, the air I breathe is slipping out of my control and the terrigying thing is that i ask for more. Maybe it’s because thats the only way I feel like I am alive, in asking for the bad so that I can at least feel something.An end is coming, but will it make the difference I need it to?