I actually know why I’m still here… it’s because I’m really too scared to kill myself. Â But even though I have a daughter and husband and family and friends who all love me, I’m suffering. Â I’m suffering a lot and I don’t want to continue to suffer the rest of my life. Â How is it considered selfish of ME to want to end my suffering, but not of THEM to want to keep me around for no good reason other than they want me here. Â And I don’t even know why they want me. Â I’m not a great parent (she’s 3 and I can’t even potty train her and she’s never been to day care or any other social place). Â I can’t keep (or even get anymore) a job, so I’m useless as far as contributing money to my family. Â I’m too depressed and in pain (severe back pain/stomach problems/frequent migraines) most of the time to keep the house in order.
I am utterly useless in this life. Â Why can’t the earth just swallow me up?? Â Why can’t a drunk driver just run me over at random?
3 comments
I know what you’re saying, I feel that way with my own family.
I’m young, like 16, and because my family has taught me much, I’m pretty useless to them and everyone around me.
I probably can’t help much, just letting you know someone cares.
I guess what prevents me from ending it is the fear of the unknown, but read my previous post http://suicideproject.org/2012/09/anybody-knows-what-i-mean/
Hi, I’m so sorry you’re in pain. I know you are going through a lot, we all are. Have you ever considered talking to your husband about all of the things that upset you, or a close friend, or a therapist. I know everything builds up and gets worse without someone to talk to. Your husband loves you, maybe he may not be able to solve your problems, but you will feel slightly better knowing that you shared your feelings with him and that he cares. I would also talk to a therapist, they are non-judgmental and can offer some advice, and are a great way to get things off your chest. I really am sorry you are feeling so down, I know how it feels to be down all the time and can’t do anything about it.