I started college last year, this is my second year and is going worse and worse. I don’t feel like going to any lectures or doing any homework, I have no motivation for anything in life. I have recently found out I have Avoidance Personality Disorder, which means it takes me 100 times more effort to start talking to people, because I think I will humiliate myself somehow, so I have no friends at all. Ever since I started college I feel like I want to die, but not to kill myself, because I am really afraid of physical pain, but if someone asked me right now to chose to either live or die the next second I wouldn’t hesitate. Everyone around me thinks I’m really lazy, because I feel the safest locked in my bedroom, alone, but I really feel down and worthless with no real dreams for the future.
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YOU know you’re not lazy. And you are letting other people’s selfish ego’s make you feel bad. Let me tell you. i don’t have what you have. But I remember starting college with depression so I have “some” idea of how you feel.
My only adivce is find an online support group, if you can, for people with your disorder. You need supprot from people who REALLY know how you feel. i have a few chronic physical illnesses and if i didn’t have online supprot from other’s suffering the same way, i wouldn’t be able to cope AT ALL>
If you’re in a college or university with mental health facilities, PLEASE go to them and ask for guidance with this. DON’T blame yourself for something you didn’t choose. I’m a grandmother. And I can tell you, life is ALWAYS changing. You have SO many years of happy moments ahead of you, I wish I could make you believe me. Life is constantly changing. IT WILL get better. I have found, when suicidal, the best thing for me is to ask for help, be honest, call the hotline. They will help you find support.
Good luck, my young friend
What about instead of dreams, Ideas about your future? Your current schedule does not define you, just your calendar. Those “self help” books you find here and there are good for considering things you will accomplish, as well as understanding people around you.
Ever try a free martial arts class? Guitar lessons? Geocaching? Tarot cards? Real Indian food? I like those, but have you tried out new things you never really understood why they were so popular? You have a (haha) lifetime to explore. And its your life to enjoy, not anyone else’s.
Happy Halloween, anyway
It sounds like you are overwhelmed by the college experience. It is a lot different from high school, and a lot different than most people expect. Are you sure that you have picked the right major? Are you enjoying your classes? If not, its not too late to change majors. Have you tried getting involved in campus activities/organizations that interest you? Thats a great way to make friends and help you enjoy the college experience. Speaking of making friends, don’t use your diagnosis as a crutch. It may be hard fir you to make friends and you may experience social anxiety, but it gets easier as you try. You never know when or where you will meet a new friend, especially if you don’t value yourself enough to know that you are someone worth getting to know. Make your college experience your own and get out of it what you want.
Maybe you have chosen a degree you werem’t sure about?What is it.If you have only 1 year left to pass you might as well finish it.I failed mine cos my heart wsn’t in it and it bored me to death.
I do Political Science and French, I had great interest in both of them last year, but it’s getting worse and worse. I wanted to change it, but couldn’t and starting again wouldn’t be wise and I would lose my grant as well probably and having my mother pay for that is not really an option. Thanks for the comment 🙂
Thank you for the comment heartcore, I will consider it
Thank you Hidden.
Thank you so much CameBack, you just made me cry, but it’s because I haven’t heard anything nice from anyone in a very long time. I am looking through few online support groups, thank you for the advice. Calling someone would just be near to impossible for me because of what I have, I feel much better writing, when no one can even hear me, but thank you so much for your kind words. <3
You’ve just described how I feel. I’m finishing my second year in college and I have no motivation at all. Getting outta bed is a nightmare.