I have been cut free for a year as of last week. I have never known any cutters other than myself, but that maybe because I never told anyone . No why would they expect that the laughing funny guy is just a mask to hide my rotting face behind.Even though its nearly killed me several times I still want to cut. When I cut I pretend I was a surgeon and I was just performing an operation, nothing was solved but nothing mattered.Does this ever go away? Its funny, such a little piece of metal can control me so easily.I cut  off one eyebrow a long time ago and really want to work on my face. Make the inside and the outside match.So my question is: Does it get easier?
Life is a nightmare, Death is a gift.
2 comments
i’ve been a cutter for 9 years.. so maybe i’m not a good person to ask, or maybe i’m the best person to ask, i don’t know.
getting through each night as it comes is the challenge.
what has always helped me night-to-night is ripping paper.
i guess my answer is that i hope so,
and i hope it helps you to know that you aren’t the only serious cutter who struggles with it.
I have fought with the same issues/urges as you. It seems as a male it’s even more looked down upon so I can understand your difficulty in not having anyone to talk to about it.
About six and a half months ago I lost control and went too deep, ended up in the hospital. It had been a while before then so my wrist scars were gone and I was able to not wear sleeves again. Just a couple days before a friend of mine pointed out how she’d never seen me in a t-shirt. As I was about to drive the blade into my arm, her voice echoed in my head, I stopped for a second, and decided to go after my leg instead. If I had used that type of force and aggression on my wrist I have no doubt in my mind that I would be dead right now.
I haven’t intentionally cut myself since that night, and my life has gotten better. It’s not easy, and I do still have my struggles. Every once in a while I get this feeling in that scar, and it takes every ounce of my being not to scream and tear it open with any means available. But I would certainly say that things have/will continue to get easier.
Go talk to someone. I had probably 8-10 sessions with a shrink, and even though I tell myself it was stupid and didn’t help it seems awfully coincidental that I happened to just start getting better after going. It doesn’t make you weaker, because it puts you in control of yourself.
I would just say to keep trying, and I think posting on here is evidence that you’re looking for a way to improve your quality of life which has to be the first step to recovery. Of course I recommend going to talk to a professional, but I’m well aware that that is a personal choice that you must make. Regardless, you should talk to someone, be it a family member, a friend, a hotline or any other means you have available to you.