I’m sick and tired of feeling like shit.
My mom walked out on my dad and I a month ago tonight, and is now renting a house with the man she was having an affair with. I still see her like twice a week, and she wants me to live with her some of the time. Fuck that, her… boyfriend? friend? I don’t know… creeps the fuck out of me. I get the most uncomfortable feeling around him, and he was trying to “talk sense” into me like he was my father and I lost it. My mom even called him my dad and I yelled at her for that too. She’s gone crazy, I’ve only seen her ALMOST cry once through this whole process even though I’ve cried numerous times in front of her.
I was trying to get my life back on track, but lately I’ve been losing my friends, and my sister doesn’t even like to come home from Vancouver because she hates it here. I don’t blame her, I’d move in with her if I could. All I ever want to do at night is cut myself but I’m trying to prevent that type of stress relief, you know how hard that is? I hate that my mom did this during my graduation year, grades are slipping and I can’t concentrate. I’m pretty sure I’ve made myself literally sick with stress too. Worst feeling ever.
Not sure what I was getting at here, just like talking to people about this stuff and getting it out, that’s all.
3 comments
Not cutting is hard. Especially when the tools are everywhere, and the pain provides that beautiful affirmation of life that we seek.
Get your mother away from this adulterer and talk to her. Tell her that you are concerned about her. Be kind, but firm. Tell her that she has made some serious life decisions rather abruptly that you don’t feel that she’s properly thought them through.
If she insists that everything is all right and this new person is “your dad” and you’re not changing it, then you’re going to need to make a decision. Either you keep your mom in your life, and deal with all of the extra stress that causes, or do like your sister and cut her and the drama free and worry about yourself. Make sure that she knows that it is her decision that drove you to yours.
I bet talking to your older sister one on one would help you work through your feelings better. She might even have some ideas to help clear your mom’s head.
Yeah, I’m supposed to see my mom tomorrow after school. So I think it’s time to tell her exactly what is on my mind. My sister yeah, I always text her. She doesn’t even want me living at home with my dad because he puts just as much stress on me because he remains trying to run his business, it’s just lovely.
Then it sounds like you need to focus on you, and try to go to school in Vancouver with your sister, because she cares about you. I’m not sure what’s going on with your parents, but it sounds like each of them has some demons to face and honestly, it’s not your problem even though it affects you so greatly. Finish school, get accepted to college, and let your parents fight it out and see where the dust settles.