Have I ever told you…

Have I ever told you that I’ve been raped by my cousin before. Yes I have, but you said there isn’t any thing that we could do.
Have I ever told you that I’ve always thought my life was similar to everyone else until I saw what a “real” family is like, and how what I’ve encountered is not in the “average/normal” range…
Have I ever told you I thought of suicide at the age of six, and still hasn’t seen a thing that makes me genuinely wants to continue to stay in this world
Have I ever told you that my emotions are fluctuating so much that I am constantly between loving and hating…everything in my life?
Other than the first one, I didn’t tell you. I know I want to, but I know there’s no point. You would either yell at me, laugh at my “stupidity,” criticize me, or think that I’m crazy.
I agree that I’m crazy, but I could have been regular. I could have been liking life more.
But have i told you that I enjoy the craziness. I enjoy imagining things that “regular” people cannot see, feel, and imagine.
Have I told you that at this moment i still want to die. there is still no point in life for me, and I’m struggling to live every second. I guess you would never know even when I suicide…and I’m still waiting for this to happen