I can’t die just yet

To everyone planning or even thinking about killing yourselves- hear me out.

I’ve always been one to finish what I’ve started. Even when I thought about killing myself, I would stop and think- was there anything big that I would leave undone, if I were to die? So I came up with this: just a little anchor, to keep myself from letting things get out of control.

Every day, I would think of something to do. It could be something real, like finally finishing that drawing I’ve been working on, or completely stupid, like making up a code and teaching it to my sister. But no matter what it was, I promised myself that tomorrow, I would do it. And I would. Every single day, I would do that thing, then make up something new to do the next day. That way, I could never die saying I did everything I had to. There would always be that one thing that I promised myself I would do the next day, and if I killed myself I wouldn’t be able to do it. I still do this to this day. And sure, maybe this is my slightly obsessive-compulsive mind taking over, but it worked. Every time I wanted to kill myself, started planning how to do it,  I would stop and realize there was still one more thing I had to do.

So yeah. One day, I will die. But it won’t be today. Because for now, I have to remember- Tomorrow, I need to go meet 3 new people and learn their names.