i don’t know. I’m just rambling about nothing.

So I never really loved anyone in my life. I don’t really like my parents either. I was neglected by my mom, who is an alcoholic, and my dad that is always busy at work supporting the family. So i’ve been alone for about a good 15 years? I never had many friends. I couldn’t trust any of them. They’re just back stabbers. Not a single one of them was faithful. I was picked on throughout my childhood. So much that it just doesn’t bother me anymore. I really don’t care about many things now. People call me name but it’s whatever. I really don’t care. You can call me whatever you want it’s not gonna bother me cause why should I care what you think about me? I don’t care if you live or die. You mean nothing to me. So i have a hard time trusting people and especially opening myself to people. I only opened myself to 3 people. One was a close neighbor friend, my best friend, and my “first” love. I don’t really talk to my neighbor anymore ever since she moved away. But it’s ok i have my best friend. She means the world to me. We’ve been friends for almost 5 years now? Yeah about 5 years. The only person I can talk to about my problems but there are still some things I don’t talk about. So I meet my “first” love on facebook the beginning of this year. The first day I talked to her was January 7. We talked and talked and realized how much we had in common. I guess that’s what brought us close. But the thing is she lives in another state than I. It was strange when she told me she liked me. She told me she broke up with her boyfriend for me. Why me? We don’t live near each other so why go so far for me. I knew deep down in my heart it wasn’t going to work out. I knew it all along but she was the best thing that happened to me. I really fell hard for her. So we began this long distance relationship like thing i guess. It was pretty good for a few months then she kinda just stopped talking to me. Like just stopped talking to me. Didn’t tell me whats up or anything. Basically we were done. She left without saying a word. I was sad and mad. But hey what happens happens. So after 4 months? she finally messages me saying she’s sorry. That really just pissed me off. Now she’s saying how she misses me and how she wishes we talked again. All lies. Liar. You’re a liar. I hate liars. You don’t wish that at all. You’re a liar. You’re a tease. You don’t even try. If you really meant that then you would’ve tried. You know my skype. You know my email. You know my phone number. You liar. I hate you with all my heart. I hate you. But i can’t hate you. I just can’t. I want to forget you. I hate you but at the same time I don’t. I just want to forget you. Just leave me alone. I just want to be alone again. I feel so exposed now. She changed me. To be less lonely. More out in the open. I felt safe because she was there. I was an idiot. Now i’m just exposed. I want to be alone again. Just me,myself and I. Well and best friend. Can’t live without her.

Sorry i’m just rambling about stuff in my head.