I don’t know where i stand in life …

HI everyone, im 15 and im in my final year of secondary school. Last year i got really stressed with my exams that i started getting depressed and having negative thoughts which sometimes led me to cry. Lately me and my best friend had a little fight and we wasnt talking for a while and i realised that majority of the people around me did not like me, so i started getting trust issues because i didnt know who were my true friends and who wasnt 🙁 Me and my mate are now friends and we call eachother “sisters” etc. But lately ive seen shes been slagging me off and telling people things that i havent said. So now i feel everyone is turning their backs on me and i have no one to turn to. I know i have my mum to turn to but i dont want to discuss things like this to her because i dont think she would fully understand even though she was a teenager herself. I have lately in the past and around now had thoughts of cutting myself not to kill myself but i find that its the last solution i can turn to. I have nearly done it but i didnt because im a wimp and cant deal with pain very well XD I only get these negative thoughts when im by myself in my room thinking about things or like if someone says something negative about me it affects my whole day, which i hate… 🙁 I just think to myself what life would be like if i killed myself, so i can get away from this pain and stress of my crap life. I know like people go your health and got your family why are you upset for because there are people afround the world suffering more than you that are living in worse situations but it dont help me see the brighter side of life :'( People lately are hating on me for what i done in the past and i cannot change it, what’s done is done and i have accepted it. But people till drag it a long and bringing it up that its beating me up inside eventhough i try to ignore it and look at the positive side of my life. My depression doesnt have much to do with love because ive never really dated anyone and i dont care about that to be honest because i love living my life as a single pringle 😀 but i have been having this friend with benefit thing with this guy i know and we are pretty close but i want to end it because it kinda seems wrong in my eyes but on the otherhand i dont because i enjoy it in a way and it disracts me from the reality. To me it feels like when im with my mates, family or him my world is perfect and i feel on top of the world which i like 🙂 I admit i do have trouble sleeping because im laying in bed at night thinking about my aast and the things i have done that i reget which kinda bumps me down and makes me feel depressed but the next morning im ok 🙂 sometimes in the morning i get up and i dont feel like to go to school because i dont wanna see my “haters” as im in a low mood to try and ignore them and have a good time. 🙁 Well i hope im not the only one with this issues but oh well 🙂 To everyone remember these emtions are only tempory so dont do actions that will leave perminate damage 🙂 x