Ok, I have Major depressive disorder, Bulimia Nervosa, Borderline personality disorder, Chronic suicidal ideation and Post traumatic stress disorder diagnosed. I have been on Zopiclone, Flouxetine, Bupropien, Quetiapine, Topiramite, Promethazine, Clonazepam. Currently on all apart from first two. I have legit no friends and attempt suicide all the time. I’m a frequent overdoser and have had 4 suicide attempts caught and put in hosp. Last week I took 30 pills, a deadly combination, it worked almost, I had a seizure but then later on 2 hours later, I started hallucinating. My mum caught me hallucinating as I text my sis in them and told them to call police. Also did stuff around my room and freaked them out. They knew something was up and took me to emergency. Stuffed up my suicide again. I’m 19. I hate everything about life and over taking drugs everyday. Now for 4 years. I have been on here, wasn’t going to sign up but came across the exit bag. I’m slowly prepping for it as my meds have been taken off me and daily pick up at chemist due to the attempt not being trusted with pills. I have a support worker, mental health nurse and psychiatrist. I have a blog.. http://almostdonewithmylife.blogspot.co.nz/ I see them 3-4 times a week now as they want to keep an eye on me. Anyone have any advice? I have thought of hanging, even picked out a tree but if I purchase a rope, people will know and stop me. I’m sick of my bulimia and depression. My blog will give you a better background on me. My mum is dying in liver failure. I just want to be dead and get it over and done with.
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I’ve thought about hanging & exit bag to. Hanging don’t fuck it up. long drop. Exit bag to. Get the set up right. Your 19. Maybe if wait 3 year’s. See if you feel any better.?
I understand. People with good mental health are able to cope with things that life throws at them better. At least there is treatment available to you even if it’s not very good. With some illnesses there are no treatment options.
My treatment hasn’t worked for over 3 years. Im trying hard, but all I want to be is dead. I’d prefer to kill myself before christmas this year. I have done research on the exit bag and it sounds good. I have noted alot of it and slowly taking the steps to get what I need together.
Then tell them you not feelin any better. You want to try another treatment. Try eveything frist.
Yeah I know but do you have any family members. They might be devastated. If you can soldier on for someone else’s sake it might give you reason to live
They know the treatment isn’t working, I attempted last week and got put in emergency. I have always wanted to be dead, I take my action and it always fails or I get found. I have family, my dad abused me and beat my mum he isn’t involved anymore. My mum isn’t supportive, she doesn’t care, she just tells everyone my business and that i’m misbehaving. Makes me want to die more. I wont change my mind, I have wanted to kill myself since primary school. I’m gonna keep trying. 19 is old enough for me. Read my blog, it gives you a better understanding of me. I sleep with knives because i’m too scared of everything etc. 🙁 even then, I don’t sleep so I give up trying, right now its, 5:20am
I will read your blog.
Where do i find at.?
I half half your diagnosis, BPD and depression, and those suck. You must be going through hell. Your arm looks incredibly uncomfortable. I would rather you not suffer. If you do decide to die, it’s best to stay away from drugs. I hope you find relief, somehow.
have*
And Donnie, it’s embedded in the post.
http://almostdonewithmylife.blogspot.co.nz/
Im constantly cutting. It does hurt, the small cuts hurt the most. I have cut deeper but this way the scars are lighter. Yes they suck really badly, I have no friends. Honestly. No one to text, no one to hang out with. Using drugs to die is the best. I know someone who took high class sleeping pills and walked into sea and drowned.
Your really want to die. You can any time When you want. Show your support worker mental health nurse and psychiatrist your blog. So you will be committed for like 3 week’s. The place is not that bad. And most people there are the same as you. Your last chance. They don’t help. Then do it frist be honst with them.
Yeah I can anytime. Its just hard. I wanted to show them but I don’t want to be put into the ward. The ward here is horrible. My mate rang me from in it bawling her eyes and a guy in the background screaming he’s going to kill her. I’m not telling them much because I don’t want to be put in there. I want help, but I want to be dead and succeed.
I’m know psychiatrist ok coffey26. Show them trust me. 3 week’s there let you back out. Got to show them. Last chance. And if they carn’t help you.
Ok. I really don’t want to be admitted. I was going to last attempt but cried and lied myself out of it with daily visits. I really really don’t want to.
I’m not intending to show them atm, it will get me constantly watched. I was planning on Tues when I see my Psychiatrist, to act really happy so I can get back on some of the drugs I need for the exit bag.
So why the hell you write for.? Fine off your self.
I want help with methods that will work is why I write. Fine off my self? What does that supposed to mean?
It mean’s fine go kill your self. As your to much of a ***** to show your blog to your support worker.
@Coffey26: Hi, I’m joining your post late, but I feel your frustration. Do you mind me asking if you want to live, but are finding the therapies offered just aren’t helping? Or do you sincerely just want to be gone? I mean no disrespect by these questions.
By the way, man, I get it. At least I think I do. You’re not here “seeking attention.” You don’t intend to annoy people. You’re hurting, nothing is working, you’re exhausted from fighting–constantly trying without a reprieve, and you thought this forum of all places would offer insights and advice other places cannot. I’m sorry you’re being attacked here, too. But there are those of us who understand your journey is as unique as your fingerprint patterns, and who don’t judge you, and who–even if just for a few moments in this communal electronic space–share your pain. There are those of us who admit we don’t have answers (we’re here too, after all), but we have compassion born of humility. If you find us, or if we stumble upon you, we will listen. We won’t *tell* you what you *should* do. We’ll listen and we’ll share, hopefully lighten, your burden as best we can. Sending thoughts of peace.
Yeah its now 7am here. I want to live but I want to kill myself. I don’t see myself in the years ahead, I don’t want to grow to be an adult adult. I want to be gone. The therapies aren’t helping. I want to get better and look forward to the future like a lot of people but I cant see it that way. I cant see me wanting to be alive. I mean, I have nothing really and i’m sick of fighting this.
Its the people who get it that understand are the best people to talk to. I’m not attention seeking, If I was, I would post all over facebook. If I was I would have used my real name which I have now changed on my email too, to a fake. You are all correct in the last paragraph. I have no one to turn to, so I use the net.
Dude, get off the medicine. Not too quickly, but gradually.
Can’t you see how fucked up it is that they’ve slammed so many labels on you, you might as well be a fridge?
Psychiatry is broken. If you’ve been convinced that there are 5 things wrong with your personality and are on 5 different drugs, how on earth would you even notice if you felt good?
Don’t let ignorant doctors drive you to suicide. You’re worth so much more.
When I’m off the meds, I’m much worse.
Yes, they have said many things. Many drugs. I get teased for taking my meds. People laugh at me, I hate taking them.
I cant really talk to my doc.
Obviously you need help, but come on, if you’re totally suicidal, then the help you’re getting currently is not fucking working.
You need someone to be there for you all the time, a proper framework, to feel loved, accepted, not alone.
People who tease you for taking the meds, fuck them. They are ignorant fucks who don’t know suffering.
Get proper help. I’m not talking Scientology bullshit here, but like proper care without all the dope.
I’m on 300mg Quetiapine myself, and yes, it makes me more functional, but did you know that statistically it severely lowers your chances of ever getting better, and that it has been shown to shrink people’s brains by 10%. This is not some conspiracy shit, it’s actual research by a competent journalist:
http://robertwhitaker.org/robertwhitaker.org/Anatomy%20of%20an%20Epidemic.html
Again: You are worth more. You’re a human being. Once upon a time, you felt different. Don’t die at the lowest point of your life. Please.
@Coffey26: If it helps any, I’m in a similar boat, and have been for a very, very, very long time. Some people get better, and some don’t. With “medical conditions” like cancer, doctors and lay-people can clearly tell whether the drugs and technology at our disposal today work to conquer the disease or not. If they don’t, there’s no disputing the evidence, and the “failure” isn’t hoisted onto the shoulders of the patient. But with mental health, we exist in a paradox: we’re told we’re sick and so cannot trust our own minds, and we cannot get better through mere determination; but then we’re also told we’re responsible for our illness because we persist in thinking certain ways, and everybody is an expert about what will work for us. And doctors and lay alike, since they don’t truly understand the mental health picture well, and since we’re technically still “alive,” presume that the myriad drugs and therapies must work. My friend, we will never win the battle of trying to explain to another who isn’t walking in our shoes what our journey of mental health is like. They either cannot or choose not to understand.
Do you have friends? Do you have a support network? Excuse the odd question, but do you have Netflix (Instant streaming)? If you answer “yes” to that last question, there’s a documentary I’d like to get your input on–after you’ve watched it…
I totally understand what you mean by, “I have no one to turn to, so I use the Net.” I’ve been doing the same thing, man. Is it working for you at all? Do you mind me sharing another short piece of advice? When you meet someone–here or at any of the other forums you participate in–who’s rude, condemning, insensitive, emotionally acrid…, as soon as you sense it, just leave him/her alone. There’s very little we can do to make others, free in how they choose to behave, less antagonistic. And we’re already at our breaking point, so the additional struggle threatens what small integrity we have. I really feel your pain and frustration. I wish I knew what to do. I’m here to listen or share, though. Strength to you.
Would having someone to text or call help you?
I can give you my number if you’d like.
Ah, I typed my number and realized you’re in NZ.
Email me if you’d like. my user name @ Gmail.
Coffey26 i’m sorry. I don’t understand mental health. All i was tryin to say try tellin everthing. They could Help you.
Sorry I havnt been on, My mum was admitted back into hospital two days ago. She’s still in tonight. She is in 85% liver failure at 40. Today I was prescribed Temazepam. More drugs. :/
I dont have any friends :(, support network umm my mental health worker. And not sure, I watch alot of documentaries on youtube.
I havnt slept at all for the past two days either. 🙁