So I’m 19 years old, no job (have had a few but quit, now can’t find one) I know my family loves me very much and same with my girlfriend but things have always been rough and they all know it. Suicide has been very prominent in my life until around 16 when I turned to Christ and felt re-born. Surprisingly coming from someone who actually follows Christ to the best of his ability I have done every drug under the sun. Half the time it’s my reason to live next to the other half which is hurting people who care. I’m about at the end where I want to make my apologies to Christ for what I see coming right around the corner. I’ve lost many friends. Can’t even count anymore. Last one was sep 2 2012, he was 18, suicide by hanging. He was easily the most popular in his grade and he dropped out a year before his grade graduated, very awesome guy. But anyways shot really changed when I found out my girlfriend fucked me hard at the beginning of our relationship. Here it goes I got stranded in Iowa and had to use my last 150$ on 4 separate tickets to get back (where I have no where to go or stay) to Minnesota only to get their and wait at the airport for 3 days before her return from Europe. Tsa of coarse kicked me out and put me on a light rail to lake street and I had to walk to Plymouth from there which is at least 25 miles. Took me 2 days to get back to where I needed to be. Cops wouldn’t give me a ride nothing. I sold my 30$ hat for 5$ to get on a light rail that did nothing but get me more lost. So after her arrival life slowly patches itself together till I find out that she was “sexting” her ex and planing to do things whatever . That destroyed me because I had just gotten out of a four year relationship that ended with the girl leaving me on my birthday 3 hrs before take off to puerto Rico. And I spent this much money time and emotion to help her. Now I have led her life into a way better direction(got her off drugs,she was no where near as bad as me) I quit I.v use of heroin for her and still to this day have not touched it but when I want a couple a fucking beers I’m the devil. But smoke as much weed as you want(but you better split it half and half) it gets annoying and I’m to my end with this. Idk why I’m posting but I am. I just ran across this site about 10 minutes ago. All I can really ask for is that Jesus forgives me and gives me the blessing of allowing me into his kingdom to watch over the ones I love
I refuse to wake up tommorow feeling how I do, I have a lot of people to see up there. I’m sorry to everyone I just wish this site delivered letters to your family for you
I love you Jesus please forgive me
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1In that day shall this song be sung in the land of Judah; We have a strong city; salvation will God appoint for walls and bulwarks.
2Open ye the gates, that the righteous nation which keepeth the truth may enter in.
3Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
4Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:
5For he bringeth down them that dwell on high; the lofty city, he layeth it low; he layeth it low, even to the ground; he bringeth it even to the dust.
6The foot shall tread it down, even the feet of the poor, and the steps of the needy.
7The way of the just is uprightness: thou, most upright, dost weigh the path of the just.
8Yea, in the way of thy judgments, O LORD, have we waited for thee; the desire of our soul is to thy name, and to the remembrance of thee.
9With my soul have I desired thee in the night; yea, with my spirit within me will I seek thee early: for when thy judgments are in the earth, the inhabitants of the world will learn righteousness.
10Let favour be shewed to the wicked, yet will he not learn righteousness: in the land of uprightness will he deal unjustly, and will not behold the majesty of the LORD.
11LORD, when thy hand is lifted up, they will not see: but they shall see, and be ashamed for their envy at the people; yea, the fire of thine enemies shall devour them.
12LORD, thou wilt ordain peace for us: for thou also hast wrought all our works in us.
13O LORD our God, other lords beside thee have had dominion over us: but by thee only will we make mention of thy name.
14They are dead, they shall not live; they are deceased, they shall not rise: therefore hast thou visited and destroyed them, and made all their memory to perish.
15Thou hast increased the nation, O LORD, thou hast increased the nation: thou art glorified: thou hadst removed it far unto all the ends of the earth.
16LORD, in trouble have they visited thee, they poured out a prayer when thy chastening was upon them.
17Like as a woman with child, that draweth near the time of her delivery, is in pain, and crieth out in her pangs; so have we been in thy sight, O LORD.
18We have been with child, we have been in pain, we have as it were brought forth wind; we have not wrought any deliverance in the earth; neither have the inhabitants of the world fallen.
19Thy dead men shall live, together with my dead body shall they arise. Awake and sing, ye that dwell in dust: for thy dew is as the dew of herbs, and the earth shall cast out the dead.
20Come, my people, enter thou into thy chambers, and shut thy doors about thee: hide thyself as it were for a little moment, until the indignation be overpast.
21For, behold, the LORD cometh out of his place to punish the inhabitants of the earth for their iniquity: the earth also shall disclose her blood, and shall no more cover her slain
This is not a place to preach the gospel ect.
We all need to know the Gospel its our only hope user425. Try to read the Word of God it will transform you it transformed me.
The Earth is god’s church ect. Now come sing with me kumbaya my lord kumbaya o lord kumbaya.
John 3:17 reminds us that Christ came NOT for the righteous, but for the sick and the lost.
I know most “religious types” will say that suicide is unforgivable in Gods eyes. I am not gonna claim I know for certain how God will judge; I do not know. But it is my belief that God does know our pain and if you truely love Christ and believe he suffered so you dont have to – then you too will be welcomed.
I am sure I will be slammed for this comment by the anti-religion crowd and the overly relgious crowd. For the antis…. oh well, that is your choice. For the others – I remind you that the ones Christ was most upset with was the relgious leaders. It was the sinners he hung out with and healed.
It can be argued that God violated his own commandment by requiring the blood sacrifice of his “only son”. Human sacrifice is abhorrent/forbidden: that’s what all the animal sacrifices and scapegoats were about in the O.T. (Torah).
It can also be argued that Jesus, believed to be both God and Man by his followers, chose to be beaten and die on the cross, also violating the prohibition against human sacrifice, thereby committing a sin, which cannot be if his sacrifice was demanded because of his being the only man without sin.
Point being, a person can be a believer and be suicidal; His love may not include being “saved” by Him from suicide, even when earnestly prayed.
God gave one commandment: to LOVE one another. Self-sacrifice, not self-service.
It is possible that God is bigger than who His followers believe Him to be, or maybe not.
If our love and devotion to God is based on how we judge His deeds regarding our individual happiness, I posit that our love and devotion isn’t true.
Will you sing with me kumbaya .?
donnie, i will sing it with you. i love that song.
Jrdy: Glad you came here and shared your story.
Really glad you are off heroine. I’ve seen a lot of guys cave when facing half of what you have.
I’m sharing a part of my story that I’ve never shared here before. In those hours before I tried to take my life nine years ago, I prayed for God’s forgiveness and asked for His guidance. There was on answer. I prayed for every single person that came to my mind. When I came out of a coma (on the third day of all things) the main thing my fellow believers wanted to know was if I saw God and had a message for them.
I will never know whether I lived because of me+hOD of delivery or divine intervention. I never got the answers I sought. I no longer can say if I believe in God at all, but I do believe in love.
What I see in your post is a compassionate man, a sad, hurting man. You’ve been through hell and back. It is not my place to judge you or tell you what to do. All I can say is that I wonder if you aren’t at the threshold of a marvelous new chapter in your life. I’ll spare you the scriptures.
Maybe you can wait another month or two or so. That passion you have for life, doesn’t it make you curious as to why you survived so much at so young an age?
Regardless, hugs to you, and blessings, too. Peace.