today i found out i have cancer (leukemia) i dont know what to do, i dont have long to live, ive always wanted to die but now its coming im scared, the sad thing is i will never get married, have a family of my own and never have sex.
ive been crying most of the day and i still am, ie cut my wrists about 50 times deep and shallow and i feel nothing. im scared im really really scared, i was going to end my life in a week but now i know i have leukemia i am really really scared. im in a lot of pain emotional and physical. i’ll loose all my hair through chemo which starts in 2 days. im only 14 a scared and hopeless teenage girl. i will never have the experiances of other kids and adults but what i do know is im one of a kind but a very awful and worthless one of a kind.
what do i do! im so scared please help me!
23 comments
First of all, I’m so incredibly sorry: I will NEVER, EVER understand what you are going through, and I pray that you are doing well.
However, you said you “won’t have the experiences of other kids AND adults.”
I don’t know about that. You are only 14, and you even if you spend much of your teens fighting off the disease, you will have so much more of your life ahead of you to experience what other young adults experience!
You have more than 50% of you teens left, and after that you have all of your 20’s, 30’s, etc.
Please, please give life a chance! I know your struggles are huge right now. I will admit that they are probably more than I could ever imagine.
But please: you are so young that you should NOT give your condition the upper-hand, at least not yet! PLEASE give life a chance!
Sorry, I meant to say in the above post:
Even if you spend ALL your teens fighting the disease, you STILL have your WHOLE life ahead of you! And that includes at least 15 years of young adulthood. Your life really only begins at 18, and some people say that your life begins even later than that.
Please think about that. Also think about the people that love you in your life.
thanks, but its so hard. all i ever do is cry, every night i cry myself to sleep wishing it was all over. sometimes i just wish i was never born.
Well, there’s not much I can say to that, except I can understand how that feels. I hope you can find peace in life, since it’s worth it.
is it worth it is it really worth it, going through the pain everyday for the st of your life well for the rest of the time i here anyway.
How long is “the rest of the time” you have here, if I might ask? Have you been told?
6 months at the least and a year at the most. there’s a slight chance that chemo will work but they dont know.
My gosh! You poor girl! It must be really tough, but we’re all here for you 🙂 Is there any chance of surviving the cancer? You are one of a kid, a good one of a kind. Just remember that. Hopefully something AWESOME happens throughtout the battle 🙂
Gumpy
I know it really is a lot to ask. But could you do your loved ones a favor? Could you give the 6 months or year of chemo a chance?
Like I said, I know it might be struggle. But please? I don’t know the people that love you, but I think they would appreciate you giving it a chance 🙁
Hi there scared for life.
I dont know what your going through because ive never been sick like this. but i do know that no one needs to be going through these emotions in the situation your in. You need happiness. Find ways to stay happy. I hope u know u r beautiful even if u do lose your hair in a couple days. You know why. because you have a beautiful HEART. And you have to know that you are someone before u die. U wont die until your ready to die. You will know when your ready, when you know that you have lived your life. When you know that you have lived in happiness then thats when you know your ready to die. Wether its only 6 months, a year from now or even later on in life. Dont lose hope. Dont give up. Stay as healthy as possible. Not just physically but also emotionally. Your emotions are a big factor in the way this will end, whether you die soon or not. If you stay happy you will live your life. I’m here if you need anyone to talk to. I hope you get well.
thankyou, your amazing you really are, you must be a very kind and caring person! thankyou.
oh and there is a slight chance i’ll survive.
so are you still on this website?
Hey you still have a lot to live for, I could never even imagine what your going through, and what might be going through your head, but just hang in there, be strong, there’s lotsa people who love you and want you to get better, and just have faith, I pray that you’ll get better and everything will work out, so you can enjoy all those things, and be happy because you don’t deserve anything less,, I really hope everything works out, and if you ever need anybody to talk to I’m here,, lotsa love 🙂 keep strong
You could get through this, and get better. Try to think positively, i know that must be difficult. I hope chemo goes well. I can’t even begin to imagine what any of this is like for you. I’m so sorry :(. Have you told any one appart from the people on this site ? And try to do everything that you’ve ever wanted to, it might lift your spirits abit. I feel for you, I really do. Just keep telling yourself that your going to get through it. Your a fighter, you’ll make it I’m sure x
“today i found out i have cancer (leukemia) i dont know what to do”
IIRC, not every leukemia is a death sentence, especially when diagnosed early there’s a chance for (almost) full recovery.
“i dont have long to live”
Is that medical opinion, supported by more than one doctor ?
“ive always wanted to die…”
Why ?
“…but now its coming im scared”
Death is the greatest mystery of all, and people are scarred of the unknown, so no surprise there.
“i will never get married, have a family of my own and never have sex.”
Two words – Stephen Hawking.
“…cut my wrists about 50 times…”
1. One of SP users told me what she got from it, but I still don’t get it. Where’s the “fun” it that ?
2. A friendly reminder: it’s “down the road”, not “across the street”.
“i was going to end my life in a week…”
Why ?
“i’ll loose all my hair through chemo which starts in 2 days.”
Hair regrow. Don’t let the “socially accepted vision of femininity” bother you.
“im only 14 a scared and hopeless teenage girl.”
Even if doctors say you won’t live for long, there’s always hope – vide mentioned earlier Stephen Hawking.
“i will never have the experiances of other kids and adults…”
Maybe, maybe not. The only way for you to know for sure, is to live on.
“…im one of a kind…”
As we all.
“…but a very awful and worthless one of a kind.”
Why ?
“what do i do!”
Fight, live, and if you can’t, go down fighting, use the time you have, as best as _you_ want, can.
watch?v=js_TuPZwmvY (youtube video)
hi scared for life ..
do you mind taking time to listen to this guy ?
ps: just offering food for thought
watch?v=XdLyMhNdcSc
this one too
thankyou. and no one knows yet. i dont know what to tell them.
and i watched those videos.
Listen, you may want to die now, but perhaps you should fight it out. You might feel different if you survive. And I understand how scary it can be from a family member’s point of view (my mother and grandfather are still suffering from cancer), but now with all of the research they are doing and because of your age, there’s a good chance you’ll survive.
All I’m suggesting is wait it out and fight.
All the best.
thankyou, and i’ll try.