Last night the gun did not go off the first time. But I got this far and I’m afraid to not go through with it. I was looking for a sign yesterday and said if the gun did not go off the first time, I would take that as a sign to live another day. Now I am sitting here in the hotel wondering if I should go ahead or give life another chance. Â Was that my sign????
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you shouldn’t need a sign, you should just make a choice. if you want to live and get help, do that, if you don’t then don’t. and if you want to believe that that was your sign, then you subconsciously want to live, so you should go talk to a therapist.
Yes maybe subconsciously I do. I was looking for anything yesterday to change my mind. Anything. Life is so painful and death is not. I still think death will set me free from this pain. I can not see the future in either aspect, life or death. That is what makes me wonder. So what you are saying is second try…?
there’s definitely a part of you that wants to live, let this be the sign you’re looking for so you can change your mind. i think deep down you’ve still got some fight left.
In living you still have the choice to die, but in death there is nothing, nothing at all. i know how appealing “nothing” can sound, but it’s a huge commitment. if there is a part of you that wants to live, i say Let it. you can always try again later.
Glad to see you’re still around. I stick by what i said last night, you can die anyday, so why not wait a little longer? Something great may come of it.
Dont think there is such thing has a sign, ppl perceive what they want, the way they want, but there is nothing wrong on wanting to live or not having sure what decision to take, afterall its an important decision..you should keep living, mb life will get better from now on.
Hi darko, Scar504 and Superb I understand what you guys are saying and I really do appreciate your comments. I think I need help. I need a distraction. I’m in this hell all alone.
There is nothing I hate more than well meaning ignorance. People that tell you things like “Keep your chin up. Things will get better” have no idea what they are talking about. More often than not they don’t know you, they have no idea what situation is and they are just plain wrong.
That being said, I don’t know you or what you are going through. So I’m not going to tell you not to kill yourself. That’s the sort of bullshit society conditions us to think and say. In rare instances, suicide is the only sane rational choice. It’s too bad some people don’t understand that.
What I will tell you is that I believe is that nobody should ever kill themselves if they are not ready. And you are not ready. If there is a shred of doubt in your mind, no matter how small (and there obviously is) you are not ready.
And to add to what darko said. Not killing yourself is not enough. If you are going to stay here, commit to fixing what is bothering you. If that’s even possible. Because if you don’t, whatever it is that’s eating at you is eventually going to take your life. And all the time that you spent between now and then will just be a waste of needless suffering.
Scar504 you are right, I can die anyday so what am I waiting for? Great things do not happen to me. I was trying to make them great on my own, nothing comes naturally, but I have given up doing that.
Darko I have a lot of fight left, but I have totally forgot who I’m battling.
well i don’t know about you, but i’m battling anxiety and depression.
i see it as a sickness like any other sickness. It makes you feel sick, stops you from doing things you like… it’s debilitating and it’s life-threatening but hopefully it can be treated like any other sickness too.
maybe you need to figure out what it is that’s stopping you from living so you know what you’re trying to get past.
use today as a second chance and maybe something great will happen.
going for walks sometimes helps me get my head straight.
splatt2012 That is what I am trying to avoid. The needless suffering.
darko I am dealing with a lot of things that I am not sure I can get past. I have pushed everything aside at times, but never will fully go away.
@Jael….
Welcome to the “good things don’t happen to me” club. Me too. I have been in depression thick as London fog before. I’ve tried suicide multiple times. It’s kind of hard to kill yourself without a gun…and to hang youself….EWWWW. Actually both are EWWWWW. Don’t put that on a family member to come home to, or a significant other, or whatever. I’m sure you’ve Googled all the pics before. If I came home and found a loved one like that….it would ruin my mind forever.
The thing is this: life just plain sucks. It’s just plain random “luck of the draw” if you were born not beautiful, not skinny, not smart, in poverty, blah blah blah. Life and love are not like you see on TV or movies does not exist. You might be thinking of some couples you know….things aren’t perfect between 100% of them.
Once you kind of accept these facts, life can actually get easier. “Oh who cares if I have makeup on or not NO ONE” “Who cares what those girls say about me? NO ONE!” It actually gets fun after while, just to keep a running tally of shit gone wrong. You will shake your head in wonderment.
Get a notebook to write down all the shitty things that happen to you. Do it for a couple of years. Then go back one day and reread it. You will get a big kick from it and you’re going to be like “OMG I cannt BELIEVE I was thinking of suicide because of THAT.
Shouldl I have a gun, a revolver. One bullet. One time. I do not want to actually attempt and fail. Society and people failed me. I can’t fail me. I’m a strong person and I do not see killing myself as weak. It takes a strong person to do this. If I wrote a in a notebook the shitty things that happend to me in life, it would be a very thick notebook. If I went back to read it, it would be enough by page two to think how come I haven’t commited suicide by now!! Thanks for your comments.
I think that there is bad karma following me around. I have a new strategy which is to decide to do something then at the last second change my mind. That way I can always keep one step a head.
honestly, when i attempted suicide i honestly thought i’d never get past the things that i have since then. i had been thinking about suicide constantly, my problems were just overwhelming and frustrating and i couldn’t how i felt all the time. when i woke up, i was so incredibly fucking angry and i wished with all my heart that i hadn’t woken up, but i was also kind of scared. i starting thinking that i didn’t want death as much as i wanted to quit my life. i still wanted to be me, but not here, not in the life i’m living, not with this shit going on. i wanted to restart, and that’s what i’ve been fighting towards ever since. it isn’t easy, and it’s not going to happen overnight, but if you’re just going to shoot yourself if it doesn’t work, maybe it’s worth a try?
there might problems that you can get away from without dying.
DoM maybe that will work, but only for so long. What is the bad karma following you around?
*couldn’t handle how…
darko Yes, I know that feeling. I am sorry for that feeling that you have and thinking that you do want to live, just not here, just not now.
I am away from the “problems” I have been for years. BUT I have been ruined by life thus far. I do not see anything more to do here. I will post my story, but I don’t want sympathy. I just want people to understand me. People to talk to.
i’m looking forward to reading it and i’m glad you’re here to share
Should I stay or should I die now?
Should I stay or should i die now?
If I die there will be trouble
An if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know This indecisions bugging me.
Maybe if you phone the natonal suicide lifeline. Talk to some one. There number’s on this site. What you got to lose.? And you owm a gun so you can blow your head off any time. Wait & talk to a counsellor. Only get one life. I say wait.
Donnie This is probably the fist thing you have said that makes a little sense. Proud of you, and thanks.
What I’m saying is that if you wern’t 100% wanting to die, then you shouldn’t so it, if there was a part of you that wants to live, subconsciously or not, it’s still there. So instead of choosing the irreversable way out that you should talk to a therapist instead. If you do want to take your life, make sure it’s something your100% sure about
please don’t do this, it will get better…
s2419 does it really matter if it’s a 100% or 20%? I am not sure what I am living for. -and kolchi, it will only get better if I make it better. I have stopped thinking it will get better on its own. I have tried to make it better on my own and I am done doing that.
yes it does matter, because if you not 100% sure that its what you want to do, then there’s a reason deep down inside you that you want to stay, even if you don’t know it, i’m not saying don’t do it, i’m just saying hold out for abit, take a step back and really think. and if your not 100% sure then talk to someone professional, so you can find that reason that’s deep down inside you, and after that if you still feel that suicide is the way for you, i’m not discouraging that
s2419 I mean who is checking to see if I am 100% or not? It has been a very long thought process into this. Probably for the last 5 years or more just to get to where I was last night. I am still here in this room thinking. I want to talk to people, I want to get to know people. I know no one on here discourages anyone because everyone has to make their own choices.
that’s what i’m saying, you need to talk to someone, so they can help you
s2419 I am past helping stage. I am my own person. I have not looked that far ahead to anything to “get me through” for the rest of my life.
i know how you feel, i’m just saying that if there is any doubt in your mind try and resolve that
S2419 yes there is and thank you